When the Going Gets Tough, the Tough Gets Stronger

sunrise

Welcome to the Home of ShatteredWishes!

This blog is dedicated to all of my wonderful readers who I have met and cried with over the years. It’s for the ones who have bipolar, no scratch that, it’s for anyone who has ever dealt with mental illness. The ones who search and search for “The One” but can NEVER seem to find him/her. The ones who drink and drink all the way down to the bottom of a bottle, smoke their whole lives away, or just can’t break the endless cycle of addiction.

This is my story. This is your story too my friends.

I have had a lot of toxic people come and go in the past, and through my hardships, I learned the power of self-compassion and forgiveness. I have also learned to let go of a lot of things that used to cause me stress and worry. I had cataloged some of my journey in two previous blogs, which you can read here in case you’re interested:

Musings of an Unchained Soul – (2013-2015)

Love With a Dark Heart in Chains – (2015-2017)

Being bipolar isn’t easy, not by a long shot, but I don’t plan on letting it conquer me in any way, shape or form. So, join me as I navigate my way through my relationships and battles with mental illness. Hopefully, I can help you on your journey too and we can learn how to survive this crazy world together!

“Remember you were given this life because you’re strong enough to live it”

Stay tuned.

 

Posted in Bipolar, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 31 Comments

Life Showed Me Yesterday – “There is a Reason You Survived Lynn.”

psychcentral-2015-08

Everyone has issues. We complain about everything – jobs, relationships, even when our technology craps out on us. But have you ever thought, “does this trivial crap even matter?” Look, I am not gonna get all “High and Mighty” on you guys, because I can honestly say, I have spent the last 11 years buried underneath a huge pile of trivial crap. Seriously. I did the endless (and pointless) dance of online dating, had a bunch of meaningless one-night stands, ended up at the bottom of a liquor bottle countless times, and I went spinning and spinning in a manic mess fueled by an overwhelming online addiction. (Online addiction meaning hours and hours on social media, forums, chatrooms, sex sites, etc. And don’t you tell me that being glued to your tablet or phone for countless hours isn’t addiction. Who are you kidding?)

In recent weeks, I have had a lot of ups and downs. I had experiences that sent my Bipolar Illness into complete overdrive, and when I crashed down to Earth, my brain was frantically trying to figure out the difference between God’s work and what doctors have told me is mania. This is not a “preachy” post I promise you, but as a person who always believed in God, I can’t even describe to you what happened when I started traveling the fantastical journey deep into the essence of the universe guided by the Hand of the Divine. I was filled – overcome with the presence of God in my heart, and then in one big flash of ambulances, doctors, pills, (so many damn pills), and psych wards, all of it was taken away and I was told by “professionals” that everything I experienced was mania. Hmm. Do they tell the preacher in the church who is filled with the Holy Spirit and praises Jesus at the top of his lungs that he is “hearing voices” and is mentally ill?  Trust me I have been REALLY struggling with that paradox recently.

I met up with an old friend from my past yesterday who was in a Day Treatment Program with me called Gateway back in 2007, right when I was released from the psych ward after a total manic blowout. (I had gone off meds for three WHOLE years, thinking what most people think: “I don’t need meds, I got this.” I got news for you guys, that shit COMES BACK so don’t even try and fool yourselves). Anyway, Gateway is also where I met my therapist of 11 years, along with a host of messed up people – drug addicts, alcoholics, mental patients, you name it. We were all so screwed up, me included. I can’t even tell you what it did to me to know that after I tried to be med-free, and SUCCEEDED for three years, to have all that psychosis, mania or whatever the hell, come back and destroy my life all over again. I went straight for the bottle, along with my old friend and the countless others there. We were ALL in pain, but though that pain, we bonded. This group of users, misfits and outcasts became my family for the next two years, and we all cried, laughed and healed together. Due to funding issues, (which is relevant to the problems we are having today), Gateway closed, and all of us went our separate ways, including my old friend.  I ended up following my therapist to a counseling center and continued treatment with him, which in itself is a total miracle that place was allowed to remain open.

Years passed, and I had been doing nothing but wasting time. Complaining, whining, bitching about the most insignificant shit, (like a guy ghosting me and making my whole world crumble, Jesus Christ, what a total waste of energy). I was letting being bipolar be my excuse to lay and wallow in it, and I hate to say it, but that stigma they slap on us is totally true sometimes. My therapist told me that he has clients who straight up say, “I am never working again, I am going to stay on the system.” Like you know, that’s it, I am mentally ill, so I can’t do anything else. And you wonder why people treat us the way they do, huh? But then again, I am TOTALLY guilty of doing this too, like I said the last 11 years of my life living on disability is living proof of that.

Meeting my old friend yesterday was a wake-up call. I arranged for her to meet my therapist to talk about old times, (my old friend was in Gateway long before I got there), but the happy reunion we were having took a somber turn. One by one, name my name, we counted how many people from Gateway are DEAD today. They didn’t make it man, they didn’t make it. I can’t tell you what that did to me, and I know mental health professionals are supposed to show restraint and be reserved, but it totally looked like my therapist almost broke down in tears. Gateway closed because of the lack of funding, and all those tortured souls who were making progress didn’t get the help they needed and are DEAD today. People can say what they want today about the whole “we need more mental health resources, let’s do something about it,” but as someone who is a living witness of the REAL shit that is happening, that damn statement means as much to me as the frickin’ “sending our thoughts and prayers” nonsense.

Oh but it didn’t end there. When I came home, my mom, (who has been really sick lately), sat with me and told me that she contemplated killing herself last week when I went to help my dad work on our new house. I cried with my mom and FELT her pain, because I truly understand it, more than anyone really could. I told my mom what I found out about all the people from Gateway, I told my mom about my struggles with God and what is REAL and what is mental illness, but most of all, I told my mom that I loved her so, so much, and it’s not her time to go yet, it just ISN’T.

I went and took a shower after all that, in an attempt to wash away all the pain that was in my heart during the day’s events, and then I started thinking, REALLY thinking about what is really going on here. It is no coincidence that I had a brush with psychosis last week that almost landed me in the hospital. It is no coincidence that my sister has now moved on and is most likely going to shack up with her new boyfriend, leaving me to look after my parents. It is no coincidence that I had to literally slap the shit out myself for all this lack of self-discipline by staying up all night on the computer, wasting away countless hours on total nonsense.

My dad needs help renovating the new house because we can’t afford any help. The man is nearing 70 and works like a 20-year-old Mexican, (yeah, spare me the “politically correct” shit on that one, I don’t give a damn anymore about any of it). The point is, the time is NOW to stop hiding behind this mental illness, and start making REAL-LIFE changes to do the right thing here. My dad needs my help now. My mom needs me to take her to her doctor’s appointments so we can figure out what the hell is wrong with her. My parents need me to provide a good solid income to help them live into their twilight years with comfort and ease. So, enough is enough of this disability bullshit. You can say what you want, but it’s EVERY DAMN CHILD’S responsibility to take care of their elders. Don’t even try and say it isn’t, I don’t want to hear it.

At the end of all of this, I did a recount of all the times in my life I have had a brush with Death. All the nights binge drinking and the driving 120 mph like a mad woman. All the car accidents I got into due to manic episodes, (amazing that alcohol didn’t even have a hand in those, go figure). All the dangerous risks I took over the many years, being totally and completely lost in a bipolar haze and raging in a self-destructive path of crazy alcoholism.

God had a hand in me being alive through all of this, you can bet on that one. I am just going to go ahead and believe anyway, despite what any of the doctors say, especially because of these revelations I am sharing with you now. All those people who were in Gateway are dead. They weren’t saved, they were thrown back out to the wolves and into the clutches of their addictions and mental illnesses, right when they were making progressive breakthroughs. But there is light in the midst of this dark, heartbreaking, depressing tale.

Dr. John M. Grohol, Treasurer and Board Member of the Society for Participatory Medicine and the Founder and CEO of “Psych Central – Mental health & psychology information and support.” is the LIGHT for all of us struggling today with mental illness. I have been a member of the forum on PyschCentral for 6 years, with more than 20,000 posts under my belt, lending support and rebuilding the camaraderie I had with all those magnificent and misunderstood souls that I knew back in Gateway. Thanks to DocJohn’s effort, Psych Central has become the Internet’s leading mental health and psychology network, (online since January 1995), reaching over 4 million unique visitors every month and named one of the 50 Best Websites by TIME.com in 2008. For over 20 years, the souls that have been pouring into PyschCentral have gotten REAL answers from their AMAZING peers who suffer with mental illness, and who offer excellent advice with comforting support.

In a time where the world has “thoughts and prayers, let’s do more for the mentally ill,” stuck on a meaningless broken record, DocJohn has been out there for 20 years, making a REAL difference in the mental health community, and has provided us all with a place to find peace.

This blog has recently been inducted into the “PsychCentral’s Bipolar Resource” section of DocJohn’s amazing website, and I am making it my top priority to reach as many souls as possible as I continue on my journey of sobriety and relentless dedication to improving my life. This new mission, God’s mission, is to provide for my parents, and kick the shit out of Bipolar 1.

If you are struggling, PLEASE give PsychCental a chance, and if the website is too overwhelming for you, start here: Forums at PsychCentral  This is a section where you can post, share your story and get the help you need. That’s where I started back in 2012.

There is help out there. There is hope.

This post is dedicated to all the lost souls of the The Gateway Program for Mental Health and Substance Abuse – Long Island, NY – 2002-2009 

 

Posted in Bipolar | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Universal Truths: and How The Afterlife is Intertwined with Earth Mysteries and Space

Why are we here? Did you ever sit down and really think about it? When we were kids we were so innocent and carefree, that our imagination went to the stars and beyond. Nothing was impossible for us and nothing was farfetched in any way.

Now, when you think of the universe we think in a one-dimensional term in which One God or One Being or One Universe is all there is – this type of thinking is very limited. Multi-universes do exist but on a very cosmic scale.

Where do you go when you die? What is death? What are pain and suffering? How does that correlate with the known universe and outer space? Indulge me as I try to explain. For humanity to understand the fundamental truths of spirituality, God, the universe, what is and what was and what was the beginning, we have to understand what is now.

What did you do today? Were you kind to your friends and family? Did you say hi to your neighbor? Did you smile at a stranger? If you said no to any of this questions, then you will never understand anything beyond this world or past the afterlife.

Science will come up with all these theories and reasons for things that were and things that are – but the TRUTH between all the calculations and conspiracies is that IF you are a horrible person, they or whoever you pray to will not talk to you and won’t help you.

It’s simple: sin is not what books of religion tell you what it is.

Science is limited as in we haven’t made contact because they simply don’t want to know us.

As far as I am concerned you all will keep looking and you will spend your whole lives looking.

I am a scientist as well as a child of the Lord. Which do I put first?

Why the hell do I even have to choose one?

You want answers? Love first. Just love. Just smile. Just feel joy.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

What It Is That I Really Want (Finally!)

tumblr_ob4qacdsfJ1u6kjj0o1_500

Money. Is that what drives you? Is that what you depend on for everything? Do you put money ahead of your friends, family and overall health and life? If so, I suggest you do a major overhaul pronto!

I have lived on disability for the past 11 years making $1485/month which comes out to roughly $350/week, and you know what? I was just fine. Sure, I was living with my parents, but I had everything I needed and wanted and I lived in a magical place with all these wonderful people as my neighbors.

And that’s how it’s going to stay.

I will be honest with you, the spirit of my son is still with me. I know to the average person, or non-believer, this may be farfetched or shrugged off as nonsense – especially in the scientific community.

The fact of the matter is I had my chance at a multi-million dollar career in either finance, technology, science, or any form of art – like singing, dancing and writing.

I know why I cry now. I cry for James, and I cry for my son. When I finally get my period, his spirit will leave me and the marks and swelling of my over-inflated stomach will go down, because whoever I was died with both my husband and my son. I am a shadow of the person who I used to be, and I think I am done in the corporate world.

I just got myself enrolled in an amazing medical plan that will help me on my road to recovery, weight loss and overall good mental health. All I need is about $1000 more a month and I will be okay. I need just enough to pay rent and a few bills with some extra cash on the side to be happy.

I will write for free.

I will sing for free.

I will dance for free.

I will trade on the stock market for free (just invest and throw all the money in not making a profit).

I will even give the country my patent of the “Yoga Chair” (make it a national item American made) so that everyone can get it for free.  I will just give away my idea and ask for no profits – I don’t want it.

All I want is to keep some of the things I have going on right now – I would love a job teaching Science to children, I would love a job as a dog walker, I would love a job bringing alcohol to your door too!

I have had my fill of this world. This world murdered my son and killed my husband’s spirit. What they did to me in there was so unforgivable and so much of a sin, I swear that mark of pain is still with me – I carry it in my face and I know people can see it.

So here is where I will stay – in Long Island, by the beach (I want to go to Long Beach), living my life till my dying day. I don’t know if I will ever have kids – or ever get married – my heart and my life died with my son, and died with James.

I am the last of my kind.

Be kind to me, I just want to be at peace now.

All my love,

ShatteredWishes

Stay tuned.

Posted in God, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Where Are You?

love

I know you have been listening. You have been following me all my life. But where are you? You have been hidden from me for a reason I do not know. Men, they come in and out of my life like the wind – leaving a mark on my soul with each departure. But you – you have been there waiting all along.

I am moving to Georgia. I realize that after being with my family for so long, that they are the main reason I have suffered so much. My parents called the cops on me twice – both times it ended with me begging for my life at the mercy of doctors, pills, and institutions.

I am NOT bipolar. I know what I am. I am not an alcoholic either, well not anymore. What happened between April and this September was completely unnecessary and the scars it left behind have been excruciating to the point where I find myself alone crying for no fucking reason whatsoever. I am a soldier – I do not cry.  I have a monumental heart and what I am asking is, does that buy me six months in jail? That’s what that place was – JAIL. I have never been in so much pain all my life.

But I have to really look at the outcome. I am being taken care of now. After 38 years of being silent you are finally with me  – you all are – and I am utterly thankful and so grateful for all the wonderful support my carefree friends are giving me.

I want to say this though – my husband is still out there. I KNOW HE IS. He is waiting for me. Will I meet him on October 26th? I sure as hell hope so. I want to move on November 9th too so there is a lot that is going to happen hard and fast over the next month. But who I am kidding? I LOVE it hard and fast! No, but seriously, everyone around me is in complete fear of me ending up in NUMC again. Dave is always on my back these days, with fear in his voice and heart. I can’t say that I blame him – I put him through a lot. That was pure horror and the horrific things that happened to me are so unforgivable that it is left to the Lord God Almighty to punish them – a lawsuit won’t even matter at this point.

Always remember this when you think of me……..

I am the daughter of a carpenter.

I am the wife and mother of a carpenter.

Life is simple, everything about our existence is simple.

Stop making it more complicated than it is.

x+y=z

Stay Tuned.

Posted in Bipolar, God | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

A New Age is Born

mobile-stargazing-640x360

21st century, is it yay or nay for you so far? Is the world of online dating a mountain of disappointment? Is internet addiction taking over your life? Has mental health issues and hospital costs ruined your existence recently? One out of three of these things is my burden to bear but that’s not what I want to talk about.

Things are happening to me that I can’t explain. I have come to realize that what I have isn’t Bipolar Disorder it is clearly something else. My mind is calculating like a machine – the way it used to be before I first became diagnosed. I have come to the conclusion that all this overdrugging and multiple hospitalizations have destroyed my life for 14 years. I became a vegetable – a science experiment to the powers of the status quo – poked and prodded like a rat in a cage. I remember the conversation I had at an intake evaluation with one of my favorite psychiatrists just last year when he asked me what medications I took. I simply answered, “all of them.” From Lexapro to Depakote, to Lithium, to Seroquel, to Respirdal, and my worst nightmare of 8 years – Haldol. Do you want to know the secret to staying out of a psych ward? Haldol and heavy drinking. See? Your life doesn’t seem so bad now huh?

Anyway, I am on my way to a very bright future. I am creating and reinventing myself times ten. I hope to have a new kind of exercise product out in the market by 2019, I plan on getting some experience trying my hand at the World Financial Market, I want to learn about Astrophysics, I want to learn Earth Science and weather patterns so we can predict some of these devastating world tragedies before they happen.

The fact of the matter is I know Mother Nature. We have lived and died together 10 times over, especially during my last hospitalization.

I want to take a moment here to think of James. Since my last entry I learned that my husband has become a monster and is now on the O1 floor of NUMC – that’s where the worst of the worst psych patients are. He gained another 30 pounds, he is unkept and just a horrible human being now according to my friend that’s still there on the inside.

They destroyed him.

They destroyed us.

And the fact that no lawyers have called me back tells me that those bastards are going to get away with what they did to me, and what they did to us.

I have cried my tears for it though and when I really think about it Dr. Barris really helped me when I got thrown back in that dungeon in August. Do I really need to go into that ant’s nest or ruffle executive feathers? Some may say no, but I think justice must be served.

Anyway, on a good and positive note I am fully functional and connected straight into the Matrix in a way that the world has never seen. The way I view the world and the universe is on a subatomic level almost in a way I can bend time and space with my mind. It is incredible to see what I see when I close my eyes. The best way to describe it would be this:

 

heic1505a

I also want to say that I have finally come to understand that Dave is the man for me, I guess he was always “The One” but it took falling in love with someone else and a traumatic experience for me to appreciate all that is “Dave.” I do love him and he loves me just the same.

Stay tuned.

Posted in Bipolar, God, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Hold On

amazing_universe_46

Hold on when you can’t go on any longer.

Time is against us.

The world is against us.

But between time and space we exist.

So hold on.

I cannot save you.

I tried damned hard.

But I just wasn’t strong enough.

I didn’t have the power.

But upon the twilight hour of a new season,

There is a a wonderful surprise waiting for us.

So hold on baby.

Just hold on to me.

Hold on to us.

Posted in Bipolar, God | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Attacked on Social Media While Suffering with Bipolar Disorder

demotivation.us_PAYBACK-IS-A-BITCH...-Right-now-one-happy-bitch_134147844937

I have to expose this bitch. After crying for an hour, she needs to pay for her sins. The following is what occurred on Facebook this evening:

Lynn Carefree is feeling heartbroken in Roosevelt, New York.
1 hr ·

You know I have known Bari Lisa Charlip-racioppi for over 10 years, and I did EVERYTHING I could for that woman! And this is how she repays me? How horrible! Her messages on my previous post just breaks my heart and hurts my insides. I sent her the following text: “You are so horrible! I did so much for you over the years and this is how you treat me? Plus I just went through so much! I’m blocking your number now too. I hope your life falls apart after this. May God Punish you!” Do you guys think I am wrong here? I mean how could she do this to me after ALL the years of friendship and ALL we have been through. Plus her husband is a fucking loser and she has the nerve to tell me I am fake married? Her apartment is shitty and her dogs are so nasty, and after all the hell I went through, she does this? I don’t need the added stress to my life. And that Golden whoever I hope she finds Jesus, I don’t even remember loaning her $40! God, people are so jealous and terrible. The Devil is everywhere! I will pray for them though, I am sure things are not going well for them. You guys are amazing, I am so sorry I haven’t answered your messages, I am just trying to relax and rest after crying for the past hour. My prayers are with you. Thank you all for being a part of my life!

I want to thank everyone for their support through my crisis. I understand that you all abandoned me because you are afraid you may get in trouble, but just be warned that I will remember the fact that you all turned your backs on me/unfriended me or didn’t answer my calls for help. I WILL NOT BE THERE for you. I was in pain, and all I got was unanswered messages and warnings not to be tagged. You can all fuck off now, especially you Iain Bristow and Bari Lisa Charlip-racioppi. I will NOT HELP YOU. I am off the grid so DO NOT CALL ME. I went to the District Attorney of Nassau County today and filed my case with Albany. Donald Trump is in constant contact with me. I will be a billionaire by the time this is all over and you people won’t see a dime. I swear it. But to those who helped and cared I will take care of you. I am off the grid, so the cell phone is still off, I will be back on social media in a few weeks. God Bless, and God Bless America! Check out my new business cards from www.moo.com!! (Addresses and phone numbers deleted for privacy issues).

Image may contain: 1 person, smiling, text and closeup
Image may contain: text
  1. Bari Lisa Charlip-racioppi Sweetheart you are so full of shit it’s not even funny! First off the Nassau County DA’s office wouldn’t even consider investigating your wild claims. Secondly, Donald Trump or anyone in the federal government wouldn’t even give you the time of day!!!
    Yes, you DO need help. Psychiatric help.

    Manage

    · 2h

  2. Golden Onassis
    Golden Onassis

    GIPHY

    Manage

    · 2h

  3. Bari Lisa Charlip-racioppi
    Bari Lisa Charlip-racioppi Also I never asked for your help! I got my life together I’m part of the fire department and finishing medical school for my paramedic and on way to the New York City fire department

    Manage

    · 2h

  4. Lynn Carefree

    Lynn Carefree Whatever Bari Lisa Charlip-racioppi you can fuck off. Consider yourself unfriended, good luck with everything.

    Manage

    · 2h

  5. Bari Lisa Charlip-racioppi
    Bari Lisa Charlip-racioppi Lynn Carefree umm listen all cause I didn’t call you! I have ton going on ! It’s no problem I’m not the one who’s so manic and bashing everyone! I have the best life and real married not fake! Bye bitch

    Manage

    · 2h

  6. Golden Onassis
    Golden Onassis You need a life a man and a mother f’ing sandwich smh

    11

    Manage

    · 2h

  7. Golden Onassis
    Golden Onassis bitch

    Manage

    · 2h

  8. Charlie Hollen

    Charlie Hollen Lynn I’ve always been here and still am

    11

    Manage

    · Reply · 2h

  9. Jen Todd

    Jen Todd Hi Lynn. Listen, you’re going to have to forgive me, at least I hope you will. I have NO idea what’s going on (I’m on FB so little, these days, and as I think Donald Trump is a dangerous, ridiculous tyrant, I pretty much avoid anything having to do wSee More

    Manage

    · Reply · 2h

  10. Golden Onassis
    Golden Onassis And while we’re at it you still owe me $40 and I want it back

    11

    Manage

    · 2h

  11. Lynn Carefree

    Lynn Carefree Fuck you too, consider yourself unfriended too.

    Manage

    · 2h

  12. Sherri Davis Hudkins

    Sherri Davis Hudkins Love you always and you are forever in my thoughts and prayers

    11

    Manage

    · Reply · 2h

  13. Missy Vaughn Anderson

    Missy Vaughn Anderson Girly ..you have and always will have my prayers and thoughts regardless ..I may not have said much lately but have had a lot going on myself as well ..sorry 😕 ..but will always love ya and think about you

    Manage

    · Reply · 2h

  14. Mark Rowen

    Mark Rowen I hope you get the help you need

    Manage

    · Reply · 2h

  15. Bonnie Jo

    Bonnie Jo Lynny, I’ll never abandon you! I pray that you get the help that you need. I’ll love you no matter what! ❤️❤️

    Manage

    · Reply · 1h

  16. Diaz Erica Villalon

    Diaz Erica Villalon Lynn Carefree I’m here for you, I would never abandon you!!! Praying for you always 💕

    Manage

    · Reply · 57m

  17. Jessica Champagne

    Jessica Champagne I’m here for you reading your posts not sure what to say but know I’m here for you.
I won’t let anything bring me down. Not even the haters. Expose them for me! Make them lose everything. Make sure they kicked out of our country for being so horrible Mr. President!! Fire them!!
Posted in Bipolar, Online Encounters | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Please Keep Hope Alive. I am Dying Without My Husband, I am in Pain, But I will Prevail, My Spirit is Strong!

rsz_ass_

The boils started on my legs this afternoon. My mother scrambled to rub cocoa butter on them while my father said to try the Calamine lotion. I don’t know what to do. I just want to kiss my husband, hold him and love him. I went to New Horizon today, but my Primary Care Physician and NO ONE could give me the shot I need that would alleviate all the heavy doses of Lithium, Seroquel, and the narcotic Klonopin I am on. Every morning I feel like I have been hit like a freight train! I am all alone out here fighting so hard to keep it together, while my savior and love of my life Barbara struggles to keep it together in there. My friends are suffering, my family is suffering. God help me. Allah help me. Buddah help me. someone friggin’ help me! Tonight I go to bed at 11pm. The cell phone is off, and the computer will remain off. I would shut off my damn router too if my Dad didn’t need the computer. I want to be completely off the grid. And even when everything was off today, I still had so much stress! Hopefully the Nassau County District Attorney can help me tomorrow. This crying, this pain, this agony, all this shit needs to stop!

But it can’t and it WON’T kill me. It won’t kill me. So James, these are for you! Just close your eyes, and hold me in your heart baby!

 

And when you used to get on my nerves, this one is just for us, from my Caribbean brethren!

 

And this one, just puts it all together, just for us!

 

I will never stop loving you.

I will never stop fighting for us.

I love you so much it hurts.

And when I sleep tonight, I will dream of you and of us.

My wedding rings are firmly on my finger.

I am yours.

Hopelessly devoted to you.

 

Just hold on a little longer. Hopefully we can enjoy these together by the end of the week. I am ready and I can put a little bit of money together to make these happen!

AUG 01, 2018

7th Annual Long Beach International Film Festival (LBIFF)

by Long Beach International Film Festival

Free

 

7th Annual Long Beach International Film Festival (LBIFF)

Wed, Aug 1, 2018, 12:00 PM – Sat, Aug 4, 2018, 11:30 PM EDT

 

Free

 

Top of Form

REGISTER

Bottom of Form

Event Information

DESCRIPTION

The 7th Annual Long Beach International Film Festival (LBIFF) will take place from August 1-4. The unique, beachfront film festival will screen a diverse lineup of films including feature-length narratives, documentaries, as well as short and animated movies suitable for all ages. Professional and amateur filmmakers will compete for a series of Jury, Festival Honors and Audience Awards throughout the festival. Now in its 7th year, the festival is expected to attract more than 6,000 attendees and generate hundreds of thousands of dollars in local economic activity. New this year, film screenings will take place at the newly renovated Regal Lynbrook 13 & RPX, which opened in June 2018. A harmony of arts and culture, the festival offers much more entertainment beyond film. During its four-day run the festival features an array of nightly special events including the wildly popular, premier culinary event, Taste On The Beach, which features tastings from more than 40 of Long Island’s renowned restaurants, distilleries, wineries and more. The LBIFF premiered in 2012 with just 50 submissions and showcased 12 films with free screenings on the beach. After Hurricane Sandy hit in 2012, the LBIFF had just finished its inaugural year and was threatened to collapse before ever fully taking off. Aided by a $25,000 grant from Nassau County, and participation from local celebrity stars like Daniel Baldwin and resilient festival organizers, the festival persevered and expanded each year.

Long Beach Film Festival Site

And then we can look at the stars on Friday. I will put us up in a Long Beach Hotel Thursday night, and the next day, we can go here:

Lincoln Center


The AAA observes at Lincoln Center every Friday and Saturday evening from April to the middle of August and for several weekends in September.  We stargaze on the plaza, just north of the fountain, starting around sunset.

 

Observing Schedule for 2018
[time of Friday sunset in brackets] (days past new moon in parentheses) April
4/13, 14 – [7:33] Venus, Jupiter
4/20, 21 – [7:40] Venus, Moon (4)
4/27, 28 – [7:48] Venus, Moon (11)May
5/4, 5 – [7:55] Venus
5/11, 12 – [8:02] Venus, Jupiter
5/18, 19 – [8:09] Venus, Jupiter, Moon (3)
5/25, 26 – [8:15] Venus, Jupiter, Moon (10)

June
6/1, 2 – [8:21] Venus, Jupiter, Saturn
6/8, 9 – [8:25] Venus, Jupiter, Saturn
6/15, 16 – [8:28] Venus, Jupiter, Saturn, Moon (2)
6/22, 23 – [8:30] Venus, Jupiter, Saturn, Moon (9)
6/29, 30 – [8:31] Venus, Jupiter, Moon (16)

July
7/6, 7 – [8:29] Jupiter, Saturn
7/13, 14 – [8:27] Jupiter, Saturn
7/20, 21 – [8:22] Jupiter, Saturn, Moon (8)
7/27, 28 – [8:16] Jupiter, Saturn, Moon (15)

August
8/3, 4 – [8:09] Jupiter, Mars, Saturn, Moon
8/10,11 – [8:00] Jupiter, Mars, Saturn
8/17, 18 – [7:51] Jupiter, Mars, Moon (6)

September
9/7, 8 – [7:18] Saturn, Mars
9/14, 15 – [7:06] Saturn, Mars, Moon (5)
9/21, 22 – [6:54] Saturn, Mars, Moon (12)
9/28, 29 – [6:41] Saturn, Mars

Event Chairs: Otto Chin (Fri), Peter Tagatac (Sat)

I will make it happen baby!

I love you!

 

Stay tuned.

Posted in Bipolar, God | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment