When the Going Gets Tough, the Tough Gets Stronger

sunrise

Welcome to the Home of ShatteredWishes!

This blog is dedicated to all of my wonderful readers who I have met and cried with over the years. It’s for the ones who have bipolar, no scratch that, it’s for anyone who has ever dealt with mental illness. The ones who search and search for “The One” but can NEVER seem to find him/her. The ones who drink and drink all the way down to the bottom of a bottle, smoke their whole lives away, or just can’t break the endless cycle of addiction.

This is my story. This is your story too my friends.

I have had a lot of toxic people come and go in the past, and through my hardships, I learned the power of self-compassion and forgiveness. I have also learned to let go of a lot of things that used to cause me stress and worry. I had cataloged some of my journey in two previous blogs, which you can read here in case you’re interested:

Musings of an Unchained Soul – (2013-2015)

Love With a Dark Heart in Chains – (2015-2017)

Being bipolar isn’t easy, not by a long shot, but I don’t plan on letting it conquer me in any way, shape or form. So, join me as I navigate my way through my relationships and battles with mental illness. Hopefully, I can help you on your journey too and we can learn how to survive this crazy world together!

“Remember you were given this life because you’re strong enough to live it”

Stay tuned.

 

Posted in Bipolar, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 31 Comments

Life Showed Me Yesterday – “There is a Reason You Survived Lynn.”

psychcentral-2015-08

Everyone has issues. We complain about everything – jobs, relationships, even when our technology craps out on us. But have you ever thought, “does this trivial crap even matter?” Look, I am not gonna get all “High and Mighty” on you guys, because I can honestly say, I have spent the last 11 years buried underneath a huge pile of trivial crap. Seriously. I did the endless (and pointless) dance of online dating, had a bunch of meaningless one-night stands, ended up at the bottom of a liquor bottle countless times, and I went spinning and spinning in a manic mess fueled by an overwhelming online addiction. (Online addiction meaning hours and hours on social media, forums, chatrooms, sex sites, etc. And don’t you tell me that being glued to your tablet or phone for countless hours isn’t addiction. Who are you kidding?)

In recent weeks, I have had a lot of ups and downs. I had experiences that sent my Bipolar Illness into complete overdrive, and when I crashed down to Earth, my brain was frantically trying to figure out the difference between God’s work and what doctors have told me is mania. This is not a “preachy” post I promise you, but as a person who always believed in God, I can’t even describe to you what happened when I started traveling the fantastical journey deep into the essence of the universe guided by the Hand of the Divine. I was filled – overcome with the presence of God in my heart, and then in one big flash of ambulances, doctors, pills, (so many damn pills), and psych wards, all of it was taken away and I was told by “professionals” that everything I experienced was mania. Hmm. Do they tell the preacher in the church who is filled with the Holy Spirit and praises Jesus at the top of his lungs that he is “hearing voices” and is mentally ill?  Trust me I have been REALLY struggling with that paradox recently.

I met up with an old friend from my past yesterday who was in a Day Treatment Program with me called Gateway back in 2007, right when I was released from the psych ward after a total manic blowout. (I had gone off meds for three WHOLE years, thinking what most people think: “I don’t need meds, I got this.” I got news for you guys, that shit COMES BACK so don’t even try and fool yourselves). Anyway, Gateway is also where I met my therapist of 11 years, along with a host of messed up people – drug addicts, alcoholics, mental patients, you name it. We were all so screwed up, me included. I can’t even tell you what it did to me to know that after I tried to be med-free, and SUCCEEDED for three years, to have all that psychosis, mania or whatever the hell, come back and destroy my life all over again. I went straight for the bottle, along with my old friend and the countless others there. We were ALL in pain, but though that pain, we bonded. This group of users, misfits and outcasts became my family for the next two years, and we all cried, laughed and healed together. Due to funding issues, (which is relevant to the problems we are having today), Gateway closed, and all of us went our separate ways, including my old friend.  I ended up following my therapist to a counseling center and continued treatment with him, which in itself is a total miracle that place was allowed to remain open.

Years passed, and I had been doing nothing but wasting time. Complaining, whining, bitching about the most insignificant shit, (like a guy ghosting me and making my whole world crumble, Jesus Christ, what a total waste of energy). I was letting being bipolar be my excuse to lay and wallow in it, and I hate to say it, but that stigma they slap on us is totally true sometimes. My therapist told me that he has clients who straight up say, “I am never working again, I am going to stay on the system.” Like you know, that’s it, I am mentally ill, so I can’t do anything else. And you wonder why people treat us the way they do, huh? But then again, I am TOTALLY guilty of doing this too, like I said the last 11 years of my life living on disability is living proof of that.

Meeting my old friend yesterday was a wake-up call. I arranged for her to meet my therapist to talk about old times, (my old friend was in Gateway long before I got there), but the happy reunion we were having took a somber turn. One by one, name my name, we counted how many people from Gateway are DEAD today. They didn’t make it man, they didn’t make it. I can’t tell you what that did to me, and I know mental health professionals are supposed to show restraint and be reserved, but it totally looked like my therapist almost broke down in tears. Gateway closed because of the lack of funding, and all those tortured souls who were making progress didn’t get the help they needed and are DEAD today. People can say what they want today about the whole “we need more mental health resources, let’s do something about it,” but as someone who is a living witness of the REAL shit that is happening, that damn statement means as much to me as the frickin’ “sending our thoughts and prayers” nonsense.

Oh but it didn’t end there. When I came home, my mom, (who has been really sick lately), sat with me and told me that she contemplated killing herself last week when I went to help my dad work on our new house. I cried with my mom and FELT her pain, because I truly understand it, more than anyone really could. I told my mom what I found out about all the people from Gateway, I told my mom about my struggles with God and what is REAL and what is mental illness, but most of all, I told my mom that I loved her so, so much, and it’s not her time to go yet, it just ISN’T.

I went and took a shower after all that, in an attempt to wash away all the pain that was in my heart during the day’s events, and then I started thinking, REALLY thinking about what is really going on here. It is no coincidence that I had a brush with psychosis last week that almost landed me in the hospital. It is no coincidence that my sister has now moved on and is most likely going to shack up with her new boyfriend, leaving me to look after my parents. It is no coincidence that I had to literally slap the shit out myself for all this lack of self-discipline by staying up all night on the computer, wasting away countless hours on total nonsense.

My dad needs help renovating the new house because we can’t afford any help. The man is nearing 70 and works like a 20-year-old Mexican, (yeah, spare me the “politically correct” shit on that one, I don’t give a damn anymore about any of it). The point is, the time is NOW to stop hiding behind this mental illness, and start making REAL-LIFE changes to do the right thing here. My dad needs my help now. My mom needs me to take her to her doctor’s appointments so we can figure out what the hell is wrong with her. My parents need me to provide a good solid income to help them live into their twilight years with comfort and ease. So, enough is enough of this disability bullshit. You can say what you want, but it’s EVERY DAMN CHILD’S responsibility to take care of their elders. Don’t even try and say it isn’t, I don’t want to hear it.

At the end of all of this, I did a recount of all the times in my life I have had a brush with Death. All the nights binge drinking and the driving 120 mph like a mad woman. All the car accidents I got into due to manic episodes, (amazing that alcohol didn’t even have a hand in those, go figure). All the dangerous risks I took over the many years, being totally and completely lost in a bipolar haze and raging in a self-destructive path of crazy alcoholism.

God had a hand in me being alive through all of this, you can bet on that one. I am just going to go ahead and believe anyway, despite what any of the doctors say, especially because of these revelations I am sharing with you now. All those people who were in Gateway are dead. They weren’t saved, they were thrown back out to the wolves and into the clutches of their addictions and mental illnesses, right when they were making progressive breakthroughs. But there is light in the midst of this dark, heartbreaking, depressing tale.

Dr. John M. Grohol, Treasurer and Board Member of the Society for Participatory Medicine and the Founder and CEO of “Psych Central – Mental health & psychology information and support.” is the LIGHT for all of us struggling today with mental illness. I have been a member of the forum on PyschCentral for 6 years, with more than 20,000 posts under my belt, lending support and rebuilding the camaraderie I had with all those magnificent and misunderstood souls that I knew back in Gateway. Thanks to DocJohn’s effort, Psych Central has become the Internet’s leading mental health and psychology network, (online since January 1995), reaching over 4 million unique visitors every month and named one of the 50 Best Websites by TIME.com in 2008. For over 20 years, the souls that have been pouring into PyschCentral have gotten REAL answers from their AMAZING peers who suffer with mental illness, and who offer excellent advice with comforting support.

In a time where the world has “thoughts and prayers, let’s do more for the mentally ill,” stuck on a meaningless broken record, DocJohn has been out there for 20 years, making a REAL difference in the mental health community, and has provided us all with a place to find peace.

This blog has recently been inducted into the “PsychCentral’s Bipolar Resource” section of DocJohn’s amazing website, and I am making it my top priority to reach as many souls as possible as I continue on my journey of sobriety and relentless dedication to improving my life. This new mission, God’s mission, is to provide for my parents, and kick the shit out of Bipolar 1.

If you are struggling, PLEASE give PsychCental a chance, and if the website is too overwhelming for you, start here: Forums at PsychCentral  This is a section where you can post, share your story and get the help you need. That’s where I started back in 2012.

There is help out there. There is hope.

This post is dedicated to all the lost souls of the The Gateway Program for Mental Health and Substance Abuse – Long Island, NY – 2002-2009 

 

Posted in Bipolar | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Attacked on Social Media While Suffering with Bipolar Disorder

demotivation.us_PAYBACK-IS-A-BITCH...-Right-now-one-happy-bitch_134147844937

I have to expose this bitch. After crying for an hour, she needs to pay for her sins. The following is what occurred on Facebook this evening:

Lynn Carefree is feeling heartbroken in Roosevelt, New York.
1 hr ·

You know I have known Bari Lisa Charlip-racioppi for over 10 years, and I did EVERYTHING I could for that woman! And this is how she repays me? How horrible! Her messages on my previous post just breaks my heart and hurts my insides. I sent her the following text: “You are so horrible! I did so much for you over the years and this is how you treat me? Plus I just went through so much! I’m blocking your number now too. I hope your life falls apart after this. May God Punish you!” Do you guys think I am wrong here? I mean how could she do this to me after ALL the years of friendship and ALL we have been through. Plus her husband is a fucking loser and she has the nerve to tell me I am fake married? Her apartment is shitty and her dogs are so nasty, and after all the hell I went through, she does this? I don’t need the added stress to my life. And that Golden whoever I hope she finds Jesus, I don’t even remember loaning her $40! God, people are so jealous and terrible. The Devil is everywhere! I will pray for them though, I am sure things are not going well for them. You guys are amazing, I am so sorry I haven’t answered your messages, I am just trying to relax and rest after crying for the past hour. My prayers are with you. Thank you all for being a part of my life!

I want to thank everyone for their support through my crisis. I understand that you all abandoned me because you are afraid you may get in trouble, but just be warned that I will remember the fact that you all turned your backs on me/unfriended me or didn’t answer my calls for help. I WILL NOT BE THERE for you. I was in pain, and all I got was unanswered messages and warnings not to be tagged. You can all fuck off now, especially you Iain Bristow and Bari Lisa Charlip-racioppi. I will NOT HELP YOU. I am off the grid so DO NOT CALL ME. I went to the District Attorney of Nassau County today and filed my case with Albany. Donald Trump is in constant contact with me. I will be a billionaire by the time this is all over and you people won’t see a dime. I swear it. But to those who helped and cared I will take care of you. I am off the grid, so the cell phone is still off, I will be back on social media in a few weeks. God Bless, and God Bless America! Check out my new business cards from www.moo.com!! (Addresses and phone numbers deleted for privacy issues).

Image may contain: 1 person, smiling, text and closeup
Image may contain: text
  1. Bari Lisa Charlip-racioppi Sweetheart you are so full of shit it’s not even funny! First off the Nassau County DA’s office wouldn’t even consider investigating your wild claims. Secondly, Donald Trump or anyone in the federal government wouldn’t even give you the time of day!!!
    Yes, you DO need help. Psychiatric help.

    Manage

    · 2h

  2. Golden Onassis
    Golden Onassis

    GIPHY

    Manage

    · 2h

  3. Bari Lisa Charlip-racioppi
    Bari Lisa Charlip-racioppi Also I never asked for your help! I got my life together I’m part of the fire department and finishing medical school for my paramedic and on way to the New York City fire department

    Manage

    · 2h

  4. Lynn Carefree

    Lynn Carefree Whatever Bari Lisa Charlip-racioppi you can fuck off. Consider yourself unfriended, good luck with everything.

    Manage

    · 2h

  5. Bari Lisa Charlip-racioppi
    Bari Lisa Charlip-racioppi Lynn Carefree umm listen all cause I didn’t call you! I have ton going on ! It’s no problem I’m not the one who’s so manic and bashing everyone! I have the best life and real married not fake! Bye bitch

    Manage

    · 2h

  6. Golden Onassis
    Golden Onassis You need a life a man and a mother f’ing sandwich smh

    11

    Manage

    · 2h

  7. Golden Onassis
    Golden Onassis bitch

    Manage

    · 2h

  8. Charlie Hollen

    Charlie Hollen Lynn I’ve always been here and still am

    11

    Manage

    · Reply · 2h

  9. Jen Todd

    Jen Todd Hi Lynn. Listen, you’re going to have to forgive me, at least I hope you will. I have NO idea what’s going on (I’m on FB so little, these days, and as I think Donald Trump is a dangerous, ridiculous tyrant, I pretty much avoid anything having to do wSee More

    Manage

    · Reply · 2h

  10. Golden Onassis
    Golden Onassis And while we’re at it you still owe me $40 and I want it back

    11

    Manage

    · 2h

  11. Lynn Carefree

    Lynn Carefree Fuck you too, consider yourself unfriended too.

    Manage

    · 2h

  12. Sherri Davis Hudkins

    Sherri Davis Hudkins Love you always and you are forever in my thoughts and prayers

    11

    Manage

    · Reply · 2h

  13. Missy Vaughn Anderson

    Missy Vaughn Anderson Girly ..you have and always will have my prayers and thoughts regardless ..I may not have said much lately but have had a lot going on myself as well ..sorry 😕 ..but will always love ya and think about you

    Manage

    · Reply · 2h

  14. Mark Rowen

    Mark Rowen I hope you get the help you need

    Manage

    · Reply · 2h

  15. Bonnie Jo

    Bonnie Jo Lynny, I’ll never abandon you! I pray that you get the help that you need. I’ll love you no matter what! ❤️❤️

    Manage

    · Reply · 1h

  16. Diaz Erica Villalon

    Diaz Erica Villalon Lynn Carefree I’m here for you, I would never abandon you!!! Praying for you always 💕

    Manage

    · Reply · 57m

  17. Jessica Champagne

    Jessica Champagne I’m here for you reading your posts not sure what to say but know I’m here for you.
I won’t let anything bring me down. Not even the haters. Expose them for me! Make them lose everything. Make sure they kicked out of our country for being so horrible Mr. President!! Fire them!!
Posted in Bipolar, Online Encounters | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Please Keep Hope Alive. I am Dying Without My Husband, I am in Pain, But I will Prevail, My Spirit is Strong!

rsz_ass_

The boils started on my legs this afternoon. My mother scrambled to rub cocoa butter on them while my father said to try the Calamine lotion. I don’t know what to do. I just want to kiss my husband, hold him and love him. I went to New Horizon today, but my Primary Care Physician and NO ONE could give me the shot I need that would alleviate all the heavy doses of Lithium, Seroquel, and the narcotic Klonopin I am on. Every morning I feel like I have been hit like a freight train! I am all alone out here fighting so hard to keep it together, while my savior and love of my life Barbara struggles to keep it together in there. My friends are suffering, my family is suffering. God help me. Allah help me. Buddah help me. someone friggin’ help me! Tonight I go to bed at 11pm. The cell phone is off, and the computer will remain off. I would shut off my damn router too if my Dad didn’t need the computer. I want to be completely off the grid. And even when everything was off today, I still had so much stress! Hopefully the Nassau County District Attorney can help me tomorrow. This crying, this pain, this agony, all this shit needs to stop!

But it can’t and it WON’T kill me. It won’t kill me. So James, these are for you! Just close your eyes, and hold me in your heart baby!

 

And when you used to get on my nerves, this one is just for us, from my Caribbean brethren!

 

And this one, just puts it all together, just for us!

 

I will never stop loving you.

I will never stop fighting for us.

I love you so much it hurts.

And when I sleep tonight, I will dream of you and of us.

My wedding rings are firmly on my finger.

I am yours.

Hopelessly devoted to you.

 

Just hold on a little longer. Hopefully we can enjoy these together by the end of the week. I am ready and I can put a little bit of money together to make these happen!

AUG 01, 2018

7th Annual Long Beach International Film Festival (LBIFF)

by Long Beach International Film Festival

Free

 

7th Annual Long Beach International Film Festival (LBIFF)

Wed, Aug 1, 2018, 12:00 PM – Sat, Aug 4, 2018, 11:30 PM EDT

 

Free

 

Top of Form

REGISTER

Bottom of Form

Event Information

DESCRIPTION

The 7th Annual Long Beach International Film Festival (LBIFF) will take place from August 1-4. The unique, beachfront film festival will screen a diverse lineup of films including feature-length narratives, documentaries, as well as short and animated movies suitable for all ages. Professional and amateur filmmakers will compete for a series of Jury, Festival Honors and Audience Awards throughout the festival. Now in its 7th year, the festival is expected to attract more than 6,000 attendees and generate hundreds of thousands of dollars in local economic activity. New this year, film screenings will take place at the newly renovated Regal Lynbrook 13 & RPX, which opened in June 2018. A harmony of arts and culture, the festival offers much more entertainment beyond film. During its four-day run the festival features an array of nightly special events including the wildly popular, premier culinary event, Taste On The Beach, which features tastings from more than 40 of Long Island’s renowned restaurants, distilleries, wineries and more. The LBIFF premiered in 2012 with just 50 submissions and showcased 12 films with free screenings on the beach. After Hurricane Sandy hit in 2012, the LBIFF had just finished its inaugural year and was threatened to collapse before ever fully taking off. Aided by a $25,000 grant from Nassau County, and participation from local celebrity stars like Daniel Baldwin and resilient festival organizers, the festival persevered and expanded each year.

Long Beach Film Festival Site

And then we can look at the stars on Friday. I will put us up in a Long Beach Hotel Thursday night, and the next day, we can go here:

Lincoln Center


The AAA observes at Lincoln Center every Friday and Saturday evening from April to the middle of August and for several weekends in September.  We stargaze on the plaza, just north of the fountain, starting around sunset.

 

Observing Schedule for 2018
[time of Friday sunset in brackets] (days past new moon in parentheses) April
4/13, 14 – [7:33] Venus, Jupiter
4/20, 21 – [7:40] Venus, Moon (4)
4/27, 28 – [7:48] Venus, Moon (11)May
5/4, 5 – [7:55] Venus
5/11, 12 – [8:02] Venus, Jupiter
5/18, 19 – [8:09] Venus, Jupiter, Moon (3)
5/25, 26 – [8:15] Venus, Jupiter, Moon (10)

June
6/1, 2 – [8:21] Venus, Jupiter, Saturn
6/8, 9 – [8:25] Venus, Jupiter, Saturn
6/15, 16 – [8:28] Venus, Jupiter, Saturn, Moon (2)
6/22, 23 – [8:30] Venus, Jupiter, Saturn, Moon (9)
6/29, 30 – [8:31] Venus, Jupiter, Moon (16)

July
7/6, 7 – [8:29] Jupiter, Saturn
7/13, 14 – [8:27] Jupiter, Saturn
7/20, 21 – [8:22] Jupiter, Saturn, Moon (8)
7/27, 28 – [8:16] Jupiter, Saturn, Moon (15)

August
8/3, 4 – [8:09] Jupiter, Mars, Saturn, Moon
8/10,11 – [8:00] Jupiter, Mars, Saturn
8/17, 18 – [7:51] Jupiter, Mars, Moon (6)

September
9/7, 8 – [7:18] Saturn, Mars
9/14, 15 – [7:06] Saturn, Mars, Moon (5)
9/21, 22 – [6:54] Saturn, Mars, Moon (12)
9/28, 29 – [6:41] Saturn, Mars

Event Chairs: Otto Chin (Fri), Peter Tagatac (Sat)

I will make it happen baby!

I love you!

 

Stay tuned.

Posted in Bipolar, God | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

As an Artist, I wasn’t able to display my biggest talent when I was in NUMC. Sex, and all aspects of it is where my TRUE talent is. Explore with me ways to please your man Ladies!

art and music

Thinking of my husband James B. tonight is killing me! There is an entire new generation of sex out there with the invention of the internet. Being a 38 year-old Executive Level Single woman of NYC, I mastered the art of sex through my writing and foreplay.

Below is a Skype conversation I had with a faceless gentleman I met in an Adult ChatRoom. No pictures, just words. The best and most powerful orgasms come from foreplay of words, not action. That’s why so many people are dissatisfied in their relationships. Here I will show you what to do in order to make a man have a powerful orgasm without even a picture.

Look out James, our wedding night is going to be Celestial and Universally, Epic!

Just some background information first – This is a HIGHLY intelligent, freshly divorced 40-year handsome blond professor from the twin cities, with degrees in both English and Psychology. We were working on a plan to get together last year, but things came to a halt when I was hospitalized at Nassau University Medical Center on Easter.

I know sex.

I know men.

I know what the fuck I am doing.

God James, I can’t wait!

[10/8/2017 2:41:55 AM] Lynn —-: Hi.

[10/8/2017 2:42:00 AM] Lynn —-: I like this better.

[10/8/2017 2:42:09 AM] Lynn —-: Do you want to stay on the site?

[10/8/2017 2:42:54 AM] Micah: We can chat here.

[10/8/2017 2:43:17 AM] Lynn —-: I mean if you’re in the middle of conversations there, I don’t want to interrupt.

[10/8/2017 2:43:34 AM] Micah : I closed it out. If you try to message me, it will tell you I’ve logged off.

[10/8/2017 2:44:54 AM] Lynn —-: Okay. Thank you for coming here with me. I am on here more often than I am on that site. I guess for me things haven’t been going so well. I was having a lot of fun when you met me, I had a bunch of regulars, but most of them have gone now, and I was kind of left in Limbo, with a lot of rejects.

[10/8/2017 2:45:03 AM] Lynn —-: So it is kind of a slow period right now.

[10/8/2017 2:46:04 AM] Micah : I understand. Sorry to hear it’s tapered off for you. I know how much you enjoy your online connections, and I love how much that part of your life pleases you. Do you have many here on Skype?

[10/8/2017 2:47:49 AM] Lynn —-: No, not at present. I mean I maybe have two other guys that I talk to regularly, more like one really that I talk to frequently, but he is kind of an asshole. I would much rather spend my time with you online, or someone nicer who treats me better. What time do you usually come online?

[10/8/2017 2:48:27 AM] Micah : Typically between midnight and 1am Eastern. I’m not sure what time zone you’re in.

[10/8/2017 2:49:14 AM] Lynn —-: Okay that works. I am on the East Coast, I am in New York. I will be sure to look for you within that time frame.

[10/8/2017 2:50:28 AM] Micah : Perfect.

[10/8/2017 2:50:37 AM] Micah : I tend to stay up late on weekends.

[10/8/2017 2:50:43 AM] Micah : As you can see.

[10/8/2017 2:50:58 AM] Lynn —-: That’s great. Yes. I can see that. How long were you in that chatroom tonight?

[10/8/2017 2:51:19 AM] Micah : Only 10 minutes or so before we started chatting.

[10/8/2017 2:51:45 AM] Lynn —-: That’s great. I am glad to know that you weren’t there for too long.

[10/8/2017 2:52:32 AM] Lynn —-: Do you have a lot of regular contacts yourself?  I mean besides the Switch woman.

[10/8/2017 2:52:35 AM] Micah : No. I was chatting briefly with a couple of people, then I saw you.

[10/8/2017 2:52:55 AM] Micah : You’re my fourth one here, but one I haven’t seen forever.

[10/8/2017 2:54:31 AM] Lynn —-: They tend to go don’t they? I have noticed that happens a lot with online life. I am hoping to make the transition to a regular online thing with a guy. I mean the only reason I have put up with the asshole so long is that it’s a regular thing. I am really dissatisfied with him. I usually don’t let someone have such a hold over me, but when you’re out of options, you tend to settle.

[10/8/2017 2:55:37 AM] Micah : I totally understand. Yes, they do tend to disappear after a bit. I don’t know why. I assume many of them have other relationships in reality.

[10/8/2017 2:56:57 AM] Lynn —-: Yes. I think that’s the case too. I mean we seem to have the same kind of mindset that I appreciate. But there are other aspects of your life I want to learn about too. I mean we can sit here and just have orgasms, but I would rather get to know you on a deeper level.

[10/8/2017 2:58:08 AM] Micah : I understand. What can I do to help that along? What would you like to know?

[10/8/2017 2:59:20 AM] Lynn —-: Well, let’s get the sex stuff out of the way. I am very interested to know how you have been exploring. Has it just been the cam with women, or has it also been men too? How has the bisexual part of your life come to light?

[10/8/2017 3:01:39 AM] Micah : I have cammed with both men and women. I enjoy both intensely! I have known about my bisexuality since I was married and was having cybersex somewhat regularly with random strangers. One night, it turned out that the person I was chatting with was a guy, and when he turned on his cam and I saw his c*ck, I found I was just as hard as I would have been if he were a woman showing me her breasts or rubbing her clit.

[10/8/2017 3:05:13 AM] Lynn —-: That is really interesting! I am so glad you took my advice to heart. I have to admit that I have kind of a silly power trip that you have been listening to everything I have been suggesting that you do. I want nothing more for you to explore your sexuality. I love the fact that you get hard with men too. There is something utterly sexy about bisexual men. Perhaps, it’s the fact that I know that someday, if I were so inclined, my husband would want to share me with another man? Where I never thought I would have enjoyed that, I am slowly opening up to the idea. So I take it your wife never appreciated your bisexuality?

[10/8/2017 3:06:27 AM] Micah : She didn’t know about it. I wasn’t confident to tell her about it, and besides, she didn’t know I was having cybersex at all.

[10/8/2017 3:07:24 AM] Lynn —-: Ah, okay.

[10/8/2017 3:08:41 AM] Micah : It’s not something I’m proud of, but that is part of why I am now looking for a partner with whom I can be open about that part of my sexuality without her feeling threatened.

[10/8/2017 3:09:06 AM] Lynn —-: Have many women been receptive to that part of your life?

[10/8/2017 3:09:12 AM] Lynn —-: Have you explained it

[10/8/2017 3:10:07 AM] Micah : No one has been truly open to it like you have. Some have been turned on by it but then never reappeared.

[10/8/2017 3:12:19 AM] Lynn —-: Yes that happens a lot. The disappearing. I think that is what has me so disheartened. I think I want someone to stick around. Enjoy my company and actually like me. I don’t even know if these even do. It makes me wonder sometimes. I suppose I never really cared because I was just using most of them, and It was fun and sexy, then I realized they were using me too.

[10/8/2017 3:13:24 AM] Micah  Yeah, I remember you telling me how you’d shut off the cam and chat as soon as you came with an older man.

[10/8/2017 3:13:42 AM] Micah : I was sort of surprised, but then, I realized they were truly tools for you.

[10/8/2017 3:15:00 AM] Lynn —-: Well those were just to fulfill the sexual need. But the ones I made the connection with I was more sad about.  I have been looking for a partner, I think.

[10/8/2017 3:15:37 AM] Micah: I understand. It’s a pretty tall order in a sex chat room, I suppose, since so many people are really just looking for someone to help them get off. Interactive porn, so to speak.

[10/8/2017 3:16:38 AM] Lynn —-: Well, that’s why I kind of stopped going there. I realized it wasn’t the best environment for a person like me who wanted a specific set of needs met.

[10/8/2017 3:17:40 AM] Micah : Very true. That makes sense. So, Lynn, you’re looking for an online partner…with the somewhat-in-the-future possibility of finding a real-life partner?

[10/8/2017 3:18:02 AM] Lynn —-: Yes I am. Is that something you are interested in exploring with me Micah?

[10/8/2017 3:19:28 AM] Micah : Yes. I think having an online partner for some time first makes it less intimidating.

[10/8/2017 3:20:27 AM] Lynn —-: Yes, I agree. I mean you JUST came out of a marriage, so I am not looking to move in with you, start a life with you anytime soon. I mean that can be years down the line as you explore all aspects of your sexuality with women AND men.

[10/8/2017 3:24:59 AM] Micah : Are you sure? I mean…this is truly not something I’ve ever heard from anyone. It’s hard to believe. I don’t want to look a gift horse in the mouth.

[10/8/2017 3:26:55 AM] Lynn —-: I am positive. I am more than happy to keep It online for a long time as you explore. I am not picky. I just require consistency and dedication. You will learn that I am not like most women. I am happy with my life as is, but the only way I can be sure it is worth it is only something that a long period of time can show.

[10/8/2017 3:27:35 AM] Micah : I get it. Do you want to continue to talk to me about that exploration? I would love hearing about your exploits myself.

[10/8/2017 3:29:12 AM] Lynn —-: Yes I do. My exploits have dwindled as of late. I have been sticking to a lot of porn. The only thing noteworthy is that I had an incredible cyber sex session with the same guy I was talking about before. That’s kind of what had me on the hook.

[10/8/2017 3:29:33 AM] Micah : Mmm. What made it incredible?

[10/8/2017 3:30:26 AM] Lynn —-: Just the care and gentleness in which it was done. It was done over a period of maybe 4-5 hours of just teasing and eventually orgasms.

[10/8/2017 3:30:49 AM] Micah : Edging? Careful attentiveness to your needs?

[10/8/2017 3:31:27 AM] Lynn —-: Not really edging. But careful attentiveness to my needs. Almost like what a roleplay would be like.

[10/8/2017 3:31:43 AM] Micah : That sounds amazing.

[10/8/2017 3:31:53 AM] Micah : I am so glad you got to experience that.

[10/8/2017 3:32:06 AM] Lynn —-: Thank you. It was memorable to say the least.

[10/8/2017 3:32:28 AM] Micah McGivens: See, it would not bother me at all to have you experience such things if we were ‘together.’ I would be happy for you.

[10/8/2017 3:33:30 AM] Lynn —-: Well, those kinds of things we would have to be careful with. That had an emotional connection attached to it for me. It’s not working out.

[10/8/2017 3:35:20 AM] Micah McGivens: Ah, I see.

[10/8/2017 3:35:43 AM] Micah McGivens: Well, yes, we’d have to be careful about that. So if we were a partnership, you’d want me to cut ties with my semi-regulars?

[10/8/2017 3:36:42 AM] Lynn —-: Not necessarily. Do you have any romantic connections with them? Can you see yourself with them long-term, or are they just fulfilling a need that you have?

[10/8/2017 3:37:32 AM] Micah : They’re just fulfilling sexual needs of mine. I’m not in love with any of them, nor do I feel romantic inclinations. I just get hard and feel like cumming when they’re online.

[10/8/2017 3:38:14 AM] Lynn —-: Ah, okay, that would be perfectly fine then. In fact I would encourage that more than anything.

[10/8/2017 3:38:48 AM] Micah : I honestly don’t even mind the idea of you cyberf*cking someone while we’re chatting online together.

[10/8/2017 3:39:57 AM] Lynn —-: That’s definitely a possibility. I have that program Rabbit.com, with Is like a screen sharing site, where you can actually see when I cyber f*ck someone.

[10/8/2017 3:40:09 AM] Micah : Oh! I would so love to see that.

[10/8/2017 3:41:09 AM] Lynn —-: We will definitely do that one night then. I remember it being quite a turn on for a guy I knew a while back. He got really scared that I was “too perfect” which I am sure is running through your head right now.

[10/8/2017 3:42:04 AM] Micah : Well, I really like that we can take this slowly and be online partners while we continue exploring with others. It’s exactly what feels right for me.

[10/8/2017 3:42:10 AM] Micah : And I look forward to that.

[10/8/2017 3:43:29 AM] Lynn —-: Yes, I am going to enjoy that too. I need to shake my head of all these fairy-take ideas I have in my head.

[10/8/2017 3:43:49 AM] Micah : What fairy-tale ideas are those?

[10/8/2017 3:45:14 AM] Lynn —-: True love for one thing. I mean I am more than happy to explore that with you, but I need to get a grip. I am becoming co-dependent on a lot of these guys.

[10/8/2017 3:46:39 AM] Micah : I see. Well, if you want to continue to explore with them, I’m OK with that. If you have feelings you need to figure out, I don’t take any offense.

[10/8/2017 3:47:32 AM] Lynn —-: Well, right now it’s only one of them that really has a tight grip on me. I would like to free myself of that, and I think that’s where you would come in.

[10/8/2017 3:48:07 AM] Micah : Oh? How would I help in that regard?

[10/8/2017 3:49:38 AM] Lynn —-: By shifting my focus. If I look forward to some nights with you (I realize it can’t be every night), then I would feel less hooked on him. He really got under my skin, and I don’t like that feeling. I don’t like a man having that much control over me. I am pretty headstrong.

[10/8/2017 3:50:16 AM] Micah : Ah, OK. I understand. I’m happy to be helpful in that way!

[10/8/2017 3:50:54 AM] Lynn —-: Thank you. I really want to figure out what your needs are as well. What do these women do that make you so hard, or make you cum?

[10/8/2017 3:52:30 AM] Micah: They are eagerly sexual, tell me how much they want me, love both giving and receiving oral, love rough sex (giving and receiving), and make me feel very desirable.

[10/8/2017 3:53:10 AM] Lynn —-: How did you get these women? Are you sure they are all women?

[10/8/2017 3:54:44 AM] Micah : I know the main one I’ve spoken to you about is. There are only three overall. One just RPs with me via text, so it could be anyone, and I’m fine with that. She is verrrry submissive. Another definitely seems to be, but I haven’t seen her on live cam. She’s married.

[10/8/2017 3:54:53 AM] Micah : I found each one in chat avenue.

[10/8/2017 3:56:32 AM] Lynn —-: Ah, okay. I need to rebuild my contacts as well to that. I have fallen into a funk a bit. I am envious of you. I used to have a long list like that as well.

[10/8/2017 3:57:11 AM] Micah : Does it bother you that I am willing to cyber with married women or men?

[10/8/2017 3:58:18 AM] Lynn —-: No, not at all. Please don’t take into account that I am in a funk because of your activities. That’s more of a personal space or corner I have backed myself in.

[10/8/2017 3:59:04 AM] Micah : I understand. I just wanted to ask. It’s something I enjoy and don’t really feel guilty about, so I wanted to be honest.

[10/8/2017 3:59:40 AM] Lynn —-: There is nothing to feel guilty about. I do know what the allure is like, I am quite fond of how it used to make me feel.

[10/8/2017 4:00:15 AM] Micah : But you no longer chat with married men– the luster has faded?

[10/8/2017 4:01:21 AM] Lynn —-: Oh, I have used a few about a week ago, but I had a turmoil in my career and met this guy that took advantage of my vulnerability. All of this is very recent.

[10/8/2017 4:04:25 AM] Micah : I’m really sorry to hear that. Was this the ‘asshole’?

[10/8/2017 4:04:42 AM] Lynn —-: Yes it was. All of these events happened just this week.

[10/8/2017 4:04:57 AM] Lynn —-: This is all very recent.

[10/8/2017 4:05:22 AM] Micah : So he was married. That certainly adds something of a twist to it. I’m sorry, Lynn.

[10/8/2017 4:06:29 AM] Lynn —-: No he wasn’t married, but because I had problems at my job and was feeling defeated, he found me when I was down.

[10/8/2017 4:07:15 AM] Micah : Oh, I see. Sorry for my misunderstanding. I get it. Well, I hope to be able to help you move forward.

[10/8/2017 4:08:39 AM] Lynn —-: I think you will be able to. It’s all the fact that I missing a certain stability in my life.

[10/8/2017 4:08:54 AM] Micah McGivens: (nods)

[10/8/2017 4:09:32 AM] Lynn —-: Are you tired?

[10/8/2017 4:10:04 AM] Micah : I am a bit, yes. I apologize. 4am is probably my typical limit.

[10/8/2017 4:10:27 AM] Lynn —-: Ah, okay, Well we can chat more tomorrow.

[10/8/2017 4:10:40 AM] Lynn —-: You have a good night

[10/8/2017 4:10:51 AM] Micah McGivens: You too! I look forward to the next chat.

[10/8/2017 4:10:56 AM] Micah McGivens: Sleep well!

[10/8/2017 4:11:06 AM] Lynn —-: You too.

[10/10/2017 11:16:44 PM] Lynn —-: Hey there.

[10/10/2017 11:17:39 PM] Micah : Hello!

[10/10/2017 11:17:47 PM] Lynn —-: How are you doing tonight?

[10/10/2017 11:18:31 PM] Micah : I’m all right! On a bit earlier than normal, too! How about you, Lynn?

[10/10/2017 11:19:03 PM] Lynn —-: Not too bad. I was dumped tonight, but I think it was for the best.

[10/10/2017 11:20:00 PM] Micah : Oh! I’m sorry. I know it’s not easy even when it’s for the best. Was this someone you considered a boyfriend?

[10/10/2017 11:22:00 PM] Lynn —-: Yes. I spent a lot of time with him. But he wasn’t a good guy. Very narcissistic and full of himself. Probably too smart for his own good. A real disappointment. I cried my tears for him already.

[10/10/2017 11:22:16 PM] Micah : Is this the ‘asshole’ you spoke of last time?

[10/10/2017 11:22:38 PM] Lynn —-: Yes. And he dumped ME, do you believe it?

[10/10/2017 11:24:15 PM] Micah : No. That’s fairly unbelievable. I mean… I’m incredibly lucky to have found you!

[10/10/2017 11:24:48 PM] Lynn —-: I am glad you did too! Did you just go offline?

[10/10/2017 11:35:42 PM] Micah : Sorry, yeah. Had to reset my router.

[10/10/2017 11:36:35 PM] Lynn —-: Oh, okay, well welcome back!

[10/10/2017 11:37:15 PM] Micah : Thanks! So am I the only active contact left for you, or are there still more on your list?

[10/10/2017 11:38:19 PM] Lynn —-: Yeah, you’re the only one for now. Unless some of the others reappear, which I don’t know if they will.

[10/10/2017 11:39:10 PM] Micah : I see. Well, I hope you get to expand the list soon, then. I know you enjoy that, and I’d enjoy knowing you were enjoying multiple others!

[10/10/2017 11:39:45 PM] Lynn —-: I know you will. How have you been doing with your list?

[10/10/2017 11:41:12 PM] Micah : One is on right now having a sub session with a self-identified Dom she says she’s turned into a switch. She’s occasionally posting messages to me about that. Two others on the list I haven’t hear from in at least 6 days.

[10/10/2017 11:41:53 PM] Lynn —-: Ah, okay. Are you enjoying yourself?

[10/10/2017 11:43:31 PM] Micah : Well, I’m sort of a casual observer at this point. I do love ‘seeing’ her submit to another man.

[10/10/2017 11:44:16 PM] Micah  I’m very glad to see you, though. What do you feel like tonight?

[10/10/2017 11:45:51 PM] Lynn —-: I don’t know really. I am feeling kind of deflated, a bit defeated you know? I am going to go in the Adult Chat in a bit to see if I can find any exciting men. But I doubt they’ll be anything but vulgar.

[10/10/2017 11:47:01 PM] Micah : I understand.

[10/10/2017 11:47:53 PM] Micah : I hope you can find someone worth your time and effort. I know when I feel that defeated/deflated, I sometimes enjoy the simple escapism of cybersex.

[10/10/2017 11:48:37 PM] Lynn —-: I don’t even think cybersex will help. Women are different. When we are broken, we tend to shut down.

[10/10/2017 11:49:33 PM] Micah : I understand. What are you hoping for, then?

[10/10/2017 11:50:23 PM] Lynn —-: I don’t really know. I just want to spend quality time with someone. I understand if you just want sex, though.

[10/10/2017 11:51:32 PM] Micah : No, that’s not what I’m saying. I thought that’s why you were going into chat.

[10/10/2017 11:51:43 PM] Micah McGivens: I’m available for quality time. 🙂

[10/10/2017 11:52:39 PM] Lynn —-: Oh no. That’s not why I was going into chat. I was going to see if there were any interesting guys around. I am glad you are here.though. How is school going?

[10/10/2017 11:53:42 PM] Micah : OK. It’s midterm time, so I’m surrounded by stacks of grading and resisting the urge to just take off all my clothes and watch porn instead. Much less frustrating, and easier to sleep afterwards. 🙂

[10/10/2017 11:54:56 PM] Lynn —-: Haha, I can understand that. What do you teach again?

[10/10/2017 11:55:55 PM] Micah : Psychology.

[10/10/2017 11:56:38 PM] Lynn —-: Ah, okay. I don’t think you ever told me that. I thought your taught English for some reason. What porn do you feel like watching?

[10/10/2017 11:57:51 PM] Micah : I have degrees in both English and psychology, but my doctorate is in psych. I have taught English classes from time to time, so I may actually have said that when we talked before.

I feel like watching a bi group scene this evening.

[10/10/2017 11:59:29 PM] Lynn —-: Ah, okay. I didn’t realize how smart you are. I am sure there is a lot more we can learn from each other. Do you like art? Music? Writing? And when you say bi-group do you mean MMF?

[10/11/2017 12:01:18 AM] Micah : I think of myself as intelligent, I admit–but working in academia also humbles me quite a bit. I often struggle with impostor syndrome. I do love art and music. I read a lot of nonfiction. When I say bi group, I mean like… MMFF.

[10/11/2017 12:07:33 AM] Lynn —-: I think of you as quite intelligent too. I find it really sexy that a man with such intelligence has such a wild experimental side. Why do you say you suffer from imposter syndrome? So who is with who in the bi-group? Are they all together?

[10/11/2017 12:10:54 AM] Micah : They’re all together, yes. Two seemingly hetero couples swapping partners, then the women kissing or playing with each other while the men fuck them, then more creative permutations…woman kneeling and going down on the other while the one getting serviced jerks off the other one’s boyfriend, while he is sucking off the other guy… and eventually one of the guys fucking the other while he goes down on the top’s girlfriend, etc….

[10/11/2017 12:11:22 AM] Lynn —-: Um.

[10/11/2017 12:11:24 AM] Lynn —-: Okay.

[10/11/2017 12:12:12 AM] Micah : Sorry, I thought you were asking what I enjoyed… was just trying to give examples of the partner-swapping that turns me on in those sorts of scenes.

[10/11/2017 12:13:16 AM] Micah : As far as imposter/impostor syndrome… I think a lot of successful people generally think, “I don’t really know what I’m doing. I’m making it up as I go along. Everyone else seems so put together and confident with what they’re doing, and I feel like I’m just scrambling all the time.” That’s how I feel much of the semester. 🙂

[10/11/2017 12:16:16 AM] Lynn —-: Oh no. I didn’t mind that you were so descriptive, I was just taken aback by such detail. But yes, I enjoy mostly MMF ones. I kind of got out of my “lesbian” stage. I used to really enjoy girl on girl, back in the day, but I don’t anymore. I like men just basically taking women as their playthings. 🙂 But yeah, that’s how I feel a lot of the time too at my job. So I guess I suffer from imposter syndrome too 🙂

[10/11/2017 12:16:36 AM] Micah: Many of us do! 🙂

[10/11/2017 12:17:57 AM] Micah : I do love MMF ones as well, especially when the men interact with each other too. I do love D/s or BDSM scenes in line with what you describe too. Objectification can be really sexy in the right context.

[10/11/2017 12:19:02 AM] Lynn —-: I forgot, if you told me, but were you ever with a guy?

[10/11/2017 12:21:07 AM] Micah : I have been with men on a rudimentary level. Making out and mutual masturbation only. I’ve also received oral from a couple of guys. Nothing more.

[10/11/2017 12:21:46 AM] Lynn —-: Oh yeah, I remember you telling me about the guy in the hotel. You didn’t really get satisfaction out of that one right?

[10/11/2017 12:22:12 AM] Micah: Right. The saddest handjob ever. I just ended up telling him he could leave.

[10/11/2017 12:24:43 AM] Lynn —-: Yes, I remember you telling me that. Have you had any other “encounters” since we last spoke?

[10/11/2017 12:26:06 AM] Micah : Nothing in person. A couple of chats, one on-cam masturbation session.

[10/11/2017 12:26:30 AM] Lynn —-: Are you interested in having more encounters?

[10/11/2017 12:28:45 AM] Micah : In person, with men?

[10/11/2017 12:28:46 AM] Micah : Yes.

[10/11/2017 12:29:46 AM] Lynn —-: Do you have any plans to?

[10/11/2017 12:30:28 AM] Micah : Anything specific? No. But maybe that’s something I should consider.

[10/11/2017 12:33:54 AM] Micah : Would you like to hear about that, if I do?

[10/11/2017 12:37:27 AM] Lynn —-: Oh yes. I wasn’t thinking about anything specific, but I think you with another man would be quite hot. But I would love to hear about it.

[10/11/2017 12:38:19 AM] Micah : So I’ve thought about the possibilities. Placing an ad for a casual meetup on Craigslist or something.

[10/11/2017 12:43:18 AM] Lynn —-: I think that be a good idea. Although Craigslist is a bit shady. Have you thought about Adult Friend Finder?

[10/11/2017 12:43:36 AM] Micah : I have! Have you known people to have success with that?

[10/11/2017 12:43:57 AM] Micah : (sad handjob guy was found through Craigslist, so a new approach may be warranted)

[10/11/2017 12:44:59 AM] Lynn —-: I think it’s a more legitimate place than Craigslist. I had thought about It once or twice myself. I don’t know if anyone has had luck with it though.

[10/11/2017 12:47:32 AM] Micah: I can give it a shot. Where do you think would be a good place to arrange to meet? I don’t want to risk arrest or public exposure (even though the coffeeshop task I completed for you was hot as fuck). I also don’t want to invite a stranger to my home.

[10/11/2017 12:48:32 AM] Lynn —-: Oh I love your coffee shop tribute! I can’t tell you enough how hot I thought that was! Maybe you can arrange a meet at a hotel? Or a coffee shop near one, then go? Is there anything like that near you?

[10/11/2017 12:49:19 AM] Micah : Yes. We could do a coffee shop, see if there was mutual attraction and interest, and move to a hotel discreetly if we liked.

[10/11/2017 12:49:34 AM] Micah : I’m actually getting aroused thinking about it. I should try.

[10/11/2017 12:50:01 AM] Lynn —-: I think you should. I mean you’re free now, so you should go for it. I will definitely support you!

[10/11/2017 12:50:51 AM] Micah : Okay. Well, I guess all I need to decide is how to write the ad…

[10/11/2017 12:52:50 AM] Lynn —-: Well, the Adult Friend Finder is like a dating site right?

[10/11/2017 12:52:53 AM] Lynn —-: Let me look.

[10/11/2017 12:52:56 AM] Lynn —-: I can help you.

[10/11/2017 12:53:01 AM] Lynn —-: this is excting!

[10/11/2017 12:54:23 AM] Micah : 🙂 It is!

[10/11/2017 12:54:31 AM] Micah : Oh right, it’s not like writing an ad. I need a good profile.

[10/11/2017 12:55:51 AM] Lynn —-: Yeah. Do you want to put your face on there

[10/11/2017 12:56:22 AM] Micah : I know that people are a lot less likely to respond to a profile without a face, but I can’t risk that given the public nature of my job.

[10/11/2017 12:58:18 AM] Lynn —-: Hmm. That’s true. You could be slick about it. Like put a profile of your face to the side, or just of your lips and chest. I have done that before. Entice them.

[10/11/2017 1:00:35 AM] Micah : Sure.

[10/11/2017 1:00:53 AM] Micah : I suppose plain old dick pics are discouraged, although who knows…men may be fine with that.

[10/11/2017 1:01:27 AM] Lynn —-: They might be! Are you also interested in meeting a woman for casual sex too?

[10/11/2017 1:02:02 AM] Micah : I definitely prefer women to men, so yes. Does that concern you?

[10/11/2017 1:03:02 AM] Lynn —-: No, not at all.

[10/11/2017 1:03:17 AM] Lynn —-: I want you to have as much sex as possible before we commit to each other.

[10/11/2017 1:03:36 AM] Micah : Oh my God. Can you be real?

[10/11/2017 1:03:46 AM] Lynn —-: I mean when we get together and become partners I would like for you to keep your interactions with online.

[10/11/2017 1:03:53 AM] Lynn —-: Of course I am real!

[10/11/2017 1:04:26 AM] Micah : I cannot tell you how turned on I am right now, along with being totally impressed and smitten. What a combination.

[10/11/2017 1:05:36 AM] Lynn —-: I am glad you are. I mean I am honest. I am real. I know you have just left a marriage, and you need to explore as much as possible. Since we are just getting to know each other online, how could I expect you NOT to have sex with woman? That seems stupid no?

[10/11/2017 1:06:24 AM] Micah : Well, maybe, but it would also be totally common and understandable, in a sense, given social norms.

[10/11/2017 1:06:51 AM] Micah : What if I found a couple with a bi male who wanted me to join them for a threesome?

[10/11/2017 1:08:49 AM] Lynn —-: You could totally do that! I would actually prefer that, since I wouldn’t lose you to the woman. I mean the whole reason I want you to have all the sex with woman is I want you to use them. If you were to date and have a relationship with one, that would bother me.

[10/11/2017 1:09:45 AM] Micah McGivens: Understood.

So you’d…enjoy hearing about me use other women to enjoy myself?

[10/11/2017 1:11:42 AM] Lynn —-: Yes I would. Just promise me you won’t fall in love!

[10/11/2017 1:12:45 AM] Micah : Well, that would not be the goal, for sure. 🙂 I’m not the type of guy who has sex with a woman and suddenly falls for her.

[10/11/2017 1:13:27 AM] Lynn —-: That’s awesome. I usually fell in love with guys I slept with. That has definitely changed as I have gotten older though.

[10/11/2017 1:14:15 AM] Micah : Make no mistake, I can fall in love, and I like having sex with people I’m in love with… but I see sex as something that can exist wholly separately and legitimately.

[10/11/2017 1:14:37 AM] Lynn —-: Can you see yourself falling in love with me?

[10/11/2017 1:14:40 AM] Lynn —-: Haha.

[10/11/2017 1:15:08 AM] Micah: I don’t see why not. You are intelligent, caring, open-minded, and you and I have many of the same desires.

[10/11/2017 1:15:34 AM] Lynn —-: Is looks something that is important to you? I mean we would have to be attracted to each other too.

[10/11/2017 1:17:43 AM] Micah : Looks matter, sure, but an intellectual and emotional connection is more important.

[10/11/2017 1:19:12 AM] Lynn —-: I never asked, because I thought it was in poor taste, but what DO you look like, if you don’t mind me asking of course.

[10/11/2017 1:21:06 AM] Micah : It’s fine. 🙂 I’m 6’0″, 165-170, dirty blonde wavy hair, brown eyes, fit but not musclebound. I have a bit of a farmer’s tan from spending a lot of time outside.

[10/11/2017 1:22:44 AM] Lynn —-: I am an exotic caramel goddess, so you are in for a sweet treat. I am 5’3″ 170 pounds curvy as all hell, plenty of ass and tits. Black hair, brown eyes. I am South American/Indian/Portuguese/Arabian. I have leave men with their tongues hanging out 🙂

[10/11/2017 1:23:28 AM] Micah : (smiles) People might not expect us to match up. It would be fun to see their reactions. 🙂

[10/11/2017 1:24:33 AM] Lynn —-: Well, I never really ever matched up with any of my men. I always had a weakness for white boys 🙂

[10/11/2017 1:24:46 AM] Micah : Haha, well, I am definitely a white boy.

[10/11/2017 1:25:00 AM] Lynn —-: Glad to hear it! Have you ever been with an exotic lady before?

[10/11/2017 1:25:53 AM] Micah : I dated a woman of Caribbean heritage once. All the others have been white.

[10/11/2017 1:29:46 AM] Micah : Any luck finding a nice guy other than me tonight?

[10/11/2017 1:32:03 AM] Lynn —-: Yeah, I actually did. I am chatting with someone I met on Twitter of all things. He follows along with Star Trek too.

[10/11/2017 1:32:53 AM] Micah : Ah! That’s good. I’m glad! Build that list back up, especially if there’s potential attraction there! 😉

[10/11/2017 1:33:17 AM] Lynn —-: How would you feel if I fell in love with someone else? Do you want me to date too?

[10/11/2017 1:34:44 AM] Micah : You absolutely can date and hook up in whatever way you most want to.

[10/11/2017 1:34:54 AM] Micah : If you fall in love, it was meant to happen that way, and I’ll be happy for you.

[10/11/2017 1:35:36 AM] Lynn —-: Well I could say the same for you, but that would be pushing it. I want you all to myself. Hehe.

[10/11/2017 1:36:17 AM] Micah : That’s very sweet. 🙂 But I  definitely don’t feel like I have any right to expect any sort of devotion from you. If you find someone you fall for, who am I to argue?

[10/11/2017 1:36:48 AM] Lynn —-: This is true. I suppose if you did fall for someone I would have to accept it right?

[10/11/2017 1:37:35 AM] Micah : We have little choice. But like I said, sex doesn’t make me fall in love.

[10/11/2017 1:37:50 AM] Lynn —-: Well, at least that’s good to know.

[10/11/2017 1:39:10 AM] Micah : But yes! Fool around! Fuck if you want! Show those huge tits on cam to men who are jerking off over them! Whatever you want!

[10/11/2017 1:42:04 AM] Lynn —-: Haha, I am glad you approve! How are things going with your Switch?

[10/11/2017 1:44:16 AM] Micah : She showed him one of our favorite porn scenes and told him she watches it with me, in an attempt to both turn him on and get him jealous so he’d be more aggressive. It seems to have worked. I love when she does stuff like that.

[10/11/2017 1:45:10 AM] Lynn —-: And you wouldn’t consider her a contender for a mate for you?

[10/11/2017 1:46:13 AM] Micah : No. We’re really compatible sexual playmates.

[10/11/2017 1:46:43 AM] Lynn —-: Why not? You said she wouldn’t let you have partners online if you were together right?

[10/11/2017 1:47:03 AM] Micah : Right. And that’s a freedom that matters to me.

[10/11/2017 1:47:35 AM] Lynn —-: I never understood that. Sex online is nothing.

[10/11/2017 1:47:52 AM] Micah : Just somewhat interactive porn.

[10/11/2017 1:48:50 AM] Lynn —-: That’s all it is, really. I would never want a man to make me give that up. I actually tried to find a playmate last night, but they weren’t falling into my criteria.

[10/11/2017 1:49:56 AM] Micah : Besides… I don’t understand how people don’t find it hot to see their partner express themselves sexually like that. I’d love to watch you masturbate while you were chatting with some stranger you were using to get off.

[10/11/2017 1:50:55 AM] Lynn —-: I love that you enjoy that. I would love to see you do that too. With men and women.

[10/11/2017 1:51:49 AM] Micah : That’s just so nice to hear. Not having to hide this part of my life that I enjoy…and to be able to share it with my partner… that’s comforting. And sexy!

[10/11/2017 1:54:59 AM] Lynn —-: I love that you enjoy it .I want you to have as much sex as possible too. Use as many men and women as you like. I think now is the time to really explore.

[10/11/2017 1:55:44 AM] Micah : I will make a profile on Adult Friend Finder tomorrow and let you know what happens! It’s exciting.

[10/11/2017 1:56:08 AM] Lynn —-: I am glad you will! Where do you live again?

[10/11/2017 1:57:12 AM] Micah McGivens: Near the Twin Cities. You?

[10/11/2017 1:57:53 AM] Lynn —-: I am in New York. Twin cities? Minneapolis? How old again? I am sorry, all the little details about you left my mind.

[10/11/2017 1:58:17 AM] Micah : Yes, Minneapolis/St. Paul. I’m 40.

[10/11/2017 1:58:59 AM] Lynn —-: I am 37, in case you forgot. We are like a perfect match!

[10/11/2017 2:00:30 AM] Micah : It seems like it! Are you still chatting with the Star Trek fan?

[10/11/2017 2:02:30 AM] Lynn —-: Yes, I am. Nothing sexual though. Mostly geeky Trekkie stuff. Are you thinking about bed? I know you said 4am was your limit.

[10/11/2017 2:04:08 AM] Micah : Not necessarily. I have a pile of grading, blah. It’s been tempting to just plow through some of it, or to just watch porn and jerk off, or both. 🙂

[10/11/2017 2:04:32 AM] Lynn —-: Well do you want me to leave you to it?

[10/11/2017 2:06:05 AM] Micah : I’m not trying to get rid of you at all. If you were having a more sexual conversation I was going to suggest whatever it was that you told me about the other night, where I could ‘spy’ on your conversation, but it’s okay that that’s not in the cards tonight.

[10/11/2017 2:07:38 AM] Lynn —-: Oh no. If I was going to do that, I would put you up on Rabbit, and we could go “hunting” for some dick. Lol. But no, it’s more of a nerdy conversation more than anything. Quite the dynamic actually. Getting a little aroused with you, and turning it off to get nerdy with him 🙂

[10/11/2017 2:08:12 AM] Micah : (smiles) A little aroused? We haven’t even really been flirting or getting that sexual!

I mean, I’ve been hard for at least an hour, but I’m cheap. 😉

[10/11/2017 2:09:04 AM] Lynn —-: Haha. I know you’re easy, I am not worried. I know we exactly haven’t been flirting, but you are getting me quite excited. I have been waiting a long time for a man like you

[10/11/2017 2:09:58 AM] Micah : That’s a very sweet thing to say! I would reciprocate that sentiment, but I wasn’t even sure someone as sexually open-minded around my age existed!

[10/11/2017 2:11:37 AM] Lynn —-: Why is that?

[10/11/2017 2:11:49 AM] Lynn —-: I am sure there are open-minded women out there no?

[10/11/2017 2:12:05 AM] Micah : I’ve never met one who wanted a partner but wanted both of us to continue feeling free to have online sex.

[10/11/2017 2:12:18 AM] Micah : That’s all. 🙂

[10/11/2017 2:13:22 AM] Micah : Like… how would you react if I told you that I just told my switch friend to take off her shorts and panties and tell her Dom chat partner she had done so?

[10/11/2017 2:15:47 AM] Lynn —-: Well that’s a good thing no? I mean who doesn’t have online sex these days? How would I react? I would like it better if you told her to open her legs and drag her fingers across her slit and tell her Dom chat partner that you told her so. (I really hope you tell her to do that next).

[10/11/2017 2:17:00 AM] Micah : I will.

[10/11/2017 2:17:31 AM] Lynn —-: How do you feel about me telling you to say that?

[10/11/2017 2:17:39 AM] Micah : I love it!

[10/11/2017 2:17:56 AM] Micah : She just said “uh oh” before I sent it to her, so I’m holding off for now…

[10/11/2017 2:19:37 AM] Lynn —-: Why what happened?

[10/11/2017 2:19:57 AM] Micah : Ah, nothing. He asked if she’d touched herself yet, she said no, and he said they could fix that.

[10/11/2017 2:20:38 AM] Lynn —-: I think YOU could fix that, and you should tell him that you said that. Did you tell her you were talking to me?

[10/11/2017 2:21:47 AM] Micah : No. She doesn’t know I’m talking to anyone else, but I did tell her to tell him that I was online and I could take care of it for her since he seemed to be ready to sign off.

[10/11/2017 2:22:31 AM] Lynn —-: Are you afraid to tell her you’re talking to me? And if you wanted to take care of her you can.

[10/11/2017 2:23:27 AM] Micah : I’m not afraid to tell her–we’re just chatting. She might be jealous if we were f*cking, but we’re not, so she doesn’t much care if I chat with anyone else in that case. But I’ll tell her if you prefer.

[10/11/2017 2:24:55 AM] Lynn —-: No, I don’t care. But if you go fuck her, I’ll let you go do that if her Dom signs off. Having you direct her while her Dom is on is one thing, you f*cking her and chatting with me is something else. Not that I am jealous but I would rather not get involved if her Dom signs off. Weird I know.

[10/11/2017 2:26:04 AM] Micah : That’s fine. I respect that.

[10/11/2017 2:26:37 AM] Micah : That’s not in the plans at the moment. I’m enjoying the subversiveness of directing her while she’s chatting with him.

[10/11/2017 2:27:28 AM] Lynn —-: That’s good. Would it be okay for me to direct you to direct her and her tell her Dom? We can have a really sexy 4 way thing going.

[10/11/2017 2:27:58 AM] Micah McGivens: Sure…. 😉

[10/11/2017 2:28:12 AM] Lynn —-: Well, we won’t get into that just yet.

[10/11/2017 2:28:21 AM] Lynn —-: Has she touched herself yet?

[10/11/2017 2:28:28 AM] Lynn —-: Does she mind that I am involved?

[10/11/2017 2:28:48 AM] Micah : No. He apparently thinks she’s just teasing him by mentioning me. She is convincing him I’m really here.

[10/11/2017 2:29:23 AM] Micah : She doesn’t mind that we’re chatting. Do you want me to tell her these are your suggestions? She probably will decline if I point that out.

[10/11/2017 2:29:59 AM] Lynn —-: Okay, well if she will decline then don’t bother. Why don’t you tell her you’re getting me wet? Would she be upset?

[10/11/2017 2:30:16 AM] Micah : I’ll tell her and we’ll find out.

[10/11/2017 2:30:22 AM] Lynn —-: Haha. Okay.

[10/11/2017 2:30:52 AM] Micah : Well. She said you’re not as wet as she is for me. That was unexpected.

[10/11/2017 2:31:04 AM] Lynn —-: Tell her, I am wetter and better.

[10/11/2017 2:31:06 AM] Lynn —-: Lol.

[10/11/2017 2:31:40 AM] Micah McGivens: hahaha

[10/11/2017 2:31:52 AM] Lynn —-: Because we both know I am honey.

[10/11/2017 2:32:13 AM] Micah McGivens: Wetter? I thought you were just a little turned on!

[10/11/2017 2:32:30 AM] Lynn —-: No. I am not. But she is not outdoing me.

[10/11/2017 2:32:34 AM] Lynn —-: Fuck that.

[10/11/2017 2:32:39 AM] Lynn —-: She is nothing to me.

[10/11/2017 2:32:44 AM] Lynn —-: Dirt on the ground.

[10/11/2017 2:33:09 AM] Micah : Wow. I like the edge.

[10/11/2017 2:33:31 AM] Lynn —-: Yeah, your women are for you to use. I am the main woman. She better respect that.

[10/11/2017 2:34:09 AM] Micah : (nods) Oh, wow. He got upset and signed off.

[10/11/2017 2:34:33 AM] Lynn —-: Oh wow. Well, I don’t want her to get more upset.

[10/11/2017 2:34:37 AM] Lynn —-: I kinda feel bad.

[10/11/2017 2:34:45 AM] Lynn —-: If you want to take care of her, I understand.

[10/11/2017 2:35:07 AM] Micah : No, she says, “Well, you won this round. I’m going to Domme the hell out of him tomorrow for folding that easily.”

[10/11/2017 2:35:29 AM] Lynn —-: Haha. Good for her.

[10/11/2017 2:35:53 AM] Micah : Yes. She’s no marshmallow. Good for her indeed.

[10/11/2017 2:38:38 AM] Lynn —-: Yeah. So you gonna take care of her then?

[10/11/2017 2:40:05 AM] Micah : No, I mean, it makes you uncomfortable to chat with me if I’m taking care of her in that sense, and I’m enjoying talking to you.

[10/11/2017 2:40:46 AM] Lynn —-: Well, I don’t mind if you want to have an orgasm you know. I know a guy has needs. And I want you to be completely honest with me too.

[10/11/2017 2:43:02 AM] Micah : I guess this is me again feeling like, “Can she really be OK with this?” Like, if we were in person and I wanted to take care of her, would you just watch and enjoy as I jerked off?

[10/11/2017 2:45:10 AM] Lynn —-: Well if we were in person, like right now, since you have a pre-existing relationship with her, I would feel uncomfortable. I would remove myself from the room, and I guess feel a little jealous. But I would still be on Twitter chatting to my friend, or go onto Adult Chat and have conversations until you were all done, and  ready to come to bed with me. But no, I wouldn’t stick around because I am not in the mood for it.

[10/11/2017 2:45:33 AM] Micah : Got it.

[10/11/2017 2:45:56 AM] Micah : This is going to be tricky to navigate. I just want to make sure not to do something hurtful, and it’s new.

[10/11/2017 2:49:21 AM] Lynn —-: How will it be tricky to navigate?

[10/11/2017 2:50:06 AM] Micah : I guess it won’t. I just may ask you what you’re comfortable with and you can let me know. I want to be certain I’m not crossing any lines.

[10/11/2017 2:50:55 AM] Lynn —-: I would appreciate that. But as for right now, just as a rule of thumb so you know. Your regulars? When you are having sex with them I don’t want to be around.

[10/11/2017 2:51:14 AM] Micah : Easy enough.

[10/11/2017 2:51:20 AM] Micah : She’s gone, at any rate.

[10/11/2017 2:51:26 AM] Lynn —-: Why did she leave?

[10/11/2017 2:51:31 AM] Lynn —-: Why didn’t you get her off?

[10/11/2017 2:51:34 AM] Lynn —-: I am sorry.

[10/11/2017 2:51:41 AM] Lynn —-: I didn’t mean to get in the way of your orgasm.

[10/11/2017 2:51:46 AM] Lynn —-: I am really sorry Micah.

[10/11/2017 2:52:17 AM] Micah : Oh, I’m not upset, Lynn.

[10/11/2017 2:52:26 AM] Lynn —-: You sure?

[10/11/2017 2:53:05 AM] Micah : Yeah. It was important to me to understand how you felt about the situation. She was impatient. Oh well.

[10/11/2017 2:53:31 AM] Lynn —-: What do you mean she was impatient? She got pissed that you were here with me?

[10/11/2017 2:54:01 AM] Micah : No, I wasn’t responding to her messages quickly enough and she was eager to cum.

[10/11/2017 2:54:18 AM] Lynn —-: What were you telling her?

[10/11/2017 2:55:00 AM] Micah : I said I was trying to wrap up a discussion with you and I just needed a few minutes.

[10/11/2017 2:55:48 AM] Lynn —-: Ah, okay. And she probably got pissed about that. Oh well indeed. Well all she needs is a couple minutes in Adult Chat and all that will get fixed.

[10/11/2017 2:58:06 AM] Micah : Exactly.

[10/11/2017 2:58:30 AM] Micah : And when I have time and you aren’t around, I will properly Dom her for that bit of insolence.

[10/11/2017 2:59:21 AM] Lynn —-: Haha. I love it. I have to say I am on sort of a power trip right now. How did you feel about all that stuff I was saying about me being your main woman, and she was below me?

[10/11/2017 2:59:49 AM] Micah : It was hot.

[10/11/2017 3:00:18 AM] Micah : Honestly, it turned me on quite a bit. That is the reason my pants are now off.

[10/11/2017 3:00:45 AM] Lynn —-: Oh? Your pants are off are they? What turned you on about that Micah?

[10/11/2017 3:01:35 AM] Micah : The ownership, the claim being made so distinctly and assertively.

[10/11/2017 3:05:01 AM] Lynn —-: Well, you are mine. When it comes to sex right now, you are mine. When we are online together your dick is mine. If you want to go f*ck it’s fine, but I am no bottom bitch. I will not stand by while you f*ck other women, unless we are both using her, or if I am in the mood for it. ONLY when I am in the mood for it.

[10/11/2017 3:05:36 AM] Micah : Believe me, I get it, and it’s hot, and my boxers are off as well after reading that.

[10/11/2017 3:06:04 AM] Lynn —-: What do you enjoy about that so much?

[10/11/2017 3:07:05 AM] Micah : I just love how much you make me feel desired and worth claiming for your own, even though you are also comfortable with me fooling around with others at times.

[10/11/2017 3:08:15 AM] Lynn —-: Well aren’t you worth claiming? You are very much a sexy man Micah. I enjoy how much I turn you on, I love that you let that bottom bitch disappear offline for me, You could have easily cum with her, but you wanted to make sure I was okay. I am very very turned on by that.

[10/11/2017 3:09:33 AM] Micah : Well, yeah. I’m not heartless. She was throwing a bit of a fit, and that’s easy enough to ignore. I was unsure where we stood, and it was important to get that sorted out. I’m glad that turns you on! It just means I care.

[10/11/2017 3:11:06 AM] Lynn —-: I know you are not heartless. But when I told you that you could cum with her, I meant it. You could have actually told me “okay, I am going to cum with her” before she had the fit. But you didn’t. That means a lot to me Micah.

[10/11/2017 3:11:19 AM] Micah : Well, good. I’m glad.

[10/11/2017 3:13:52 AM] Lynn —-: I am glad too. Are you thinking of some porn?

[10/11/2017 3:14:20 AM] Micah : (smiles) I wasn’t. Are you in the mood to view some together?

[10/11/2017 3:15:19 AM] Lynn —-: Well, I am still talking to this guy, so it’s a bit difficult to do both. Besides I am not really in the mood for an orgasm, but I can do some heavy flirting to get you off. Is that okay?

[10/11/2017 3:16:07 AM] Micah : Well, it’s okay– keep talking to him. How about you share a link with me of porn that you enjoy, and I’ll get off to that? You are still welcome to flirt with me as well, of course. 😉

[10/11/2017 3:16:37 AM] Lynn —-: Ooooooh! I can do that. I will find a good one. I will find one that I came with last night. Is that okay?

[10/11/2017 3:16:59 AM] Micah McGivens: Yes.

[10/11/2017 3:22:07 AM] Lynn —-: https://www.redtube.com/2525959

[10/11/2017 3:22:32 AM] Lynn —-: I couldn’t find the exact one. But I got off to this one the other night

[10/11/2017 3:23:58 AM] Lynn —-: You have to fast forward a bit

[10/11/2017 3:24:26 AM] Micah McGivens: how far?

[10/11/2017 3:24:44 AM] Lynn —-: 2 minutes 32 seconds

[10/11/2017 3:25:16 AM] Lynn —-: I am watching with you.

[10/11/2017 3:25:25 AM] Micah : All right. You are? What about Star Trek guy?

[10/11/2017 3:25:53 AM] Lynn —-: Don’t worry about him. I can talk to him. I may not orgasm, but I don’t mind watching.

[10/11/2017 3:26:13 AM] Lynn —-: It’s really sexy.

[10/11/2017 3:26:23 AM] Micah: I’ve had professional massages…and it can be hard not to get turned on, admittedly

[10/11/2017 3:26:44 AM] Lynn —-: Could you imagine massaging a naked woman like that?

[10/11/2017 3:27:04 AM] Micah : I can definitely imagine it….

[10/11/2017 3:27:06 AM] Micah : I’d love it.

[10/11/2017 3:27:28 AM] Lynn —-: Would you love me spread like that. What part are you at?

[10/11/2017 3:27:51 AM] Micah : 5:35

[10/11/2017 3:28:45 AM] Lynn —-: Would you love me like that?

[10/11/2017 3:28:52 AM] Micah : Her breasts are amazing…and I like seeing that bulge in his pants too.

[10/11/2017 3:28:55 AM] Micah : I would.

[10/11/2017 3:29:07 AM] Lynn —-: Would you finger me like that

[10/11/2017 3:29:29 AM] Micah: If you craved it, f*ck yes.

[10/11/2017 3:29:43 AM] Lynn —-: You like a smooth p*ssy Micah?

[10/11/2017 3:30:02 AM] Micah McGivens: It honestly doesn’t matter to me…but I do like it, yes.

[10/11/2017 3:30:22 AM] Lynn —-: Nice. I have a very smooth caramel pussy. I would look amazing oiled like that.

[10/11/2017 3:30:42 AM] Micah McGivens: Fuck, that is a hot c*ck.

[10/11/2017 3:30:49 AM] Lynn —-: Oh it is.

[10/11/2017 3:30:52 AM] Lynn —-: I love it.

[10/11/2017 3:31:12 AM] Lynn —-: Would you let me watch you blow him?

[10/11/2017 3:31:38 AM] Micah McGivens: F*ck yes.

[10/11/2017 3:31:54 AM] Micah McGivens: I’d be unbelievably turned on to know you enjoyed watching that.

[10/11/2017 3:32:19 AM] Lynn —-: I am glad. I would love to see it.

[10/11/2017 3:32:40 AM] Micah McGivens: I’d love to take his balls in my mouth while continuing to stroke that thick shaft.

[10/11/2017 3:33:06 AM] Lynn —-: Mmmm. Are you enjoying this?

[10/11/2017 3:33:29 AM] Micah McGivens: God, yes. I love the POV shot right now.

[10/11/2017 3:34:09 AM] Lynn —-: Can you imagine that’s me?

[10/11/2017 3:34:18 AM] Lynn —-: Looking at you.

[10/11/2017 3:34:21 AM] Lynn —-: Sucking your c*ck?

[10/11/2017 3:34:26 AM] Micah McGivens: Easily. Would you like to be in that position?

[10/11/2017 3:34:34 AM] Lynn —-: I would.

[10/11/2017 3:34:43 AM] Lynn —-: I would love to suck your *ock Micah.

[10/11/2017 3:34:53 AM] Lynn —-: Just like that.

[10/11/2017 3:34:58 AM] Lynn —-: Swallowing.

[10/11/2017 3:35:01 AM] Lynn —-: Eye balling you.

[10/11/2017 3:35:05 AM] Lynn —-: Taking your balls.

[10/11/2017 3:35:15 AM] Lynn —-: Is your shaft thick?

[10/11/2017 3:35:42 AM] Micah : Nice and thick, Lynn. And slick with precum right now.

[10/11/2017 3:35:52 AM] Lynn —-: Are you jerking for me?

[10/11/2017 3:36:02 AM] Micah : I am.

[10/11/2017 3:36:15 AM] Micah : Mmm…I love giving oral…

[10/11/2017 3:36:25 AM] Lynn —-: Would you eat my p*ssy?

[10/11/2017 3:36:39 AM] Micah : Until you begged me to stop.

[10/11/2017 3:37:09 AM] Lynn —-: Would you play with my clit like that?

[10/11/2017 3:37:35 AM] Micah McGivens: God, yes. Anything to draw it out, to tease each other, to edge and edge…

[10/11/2017 3:38:06 AM] Lynn —-: Would you slowly pump my p*ssy like that Micah?

[10/11/2017 3:38:10 AM] Lynn —-: Making me squeal?

[10/11/2017 3:38:57 AM] Micah : I would. Are you a vocally enthusiastic lover, Lynn?

[10/11/2017 3:39:05 AM] Lynn —-: I so am.

[10/11/2017 3:39:06 AM] Micah : Would I know I was pleasing you?

[10/11/2017 3:39:12 AM] Lynn —-: Yes, you would.

[10/11/2017 3:39:18 AM] Lynn —-: I would moan your name.

[10/11/2017 3:39:28 AM] Lynn —-: Neighbors would complain.

[10/11/2017 3:39:52 AM] Micah : Mmm. I should hope so. I’ve had my share of complaints by people in adjacent rooms at hotels, so we’d make a good pair.

[10/11/2017 3:40:08 AM] Micah : Mmm, imagining your breasts bouncing in this POV shot…

[10/11/2017 3:40:28 AM] Lynn —-: Oh yes, you would get a nice view.

[10/11/2017 3:41:06 AM] Micah : I know it.

[10/11/2017 3:41:20 AM] Micah : Do you like it hard and fast? Slow and gradual?

[10/11/2017 3:41:39 AM] Lynn —-: I like it really slow. I love slow f*cking.

[10/11/2017 3:41:51 AM] Micah : Mmm. Perfect. Make it last. I love that.

[10/11/2017 3:44:48 AM] Micah : Fuck, yes, reverse cowgirl…

[10/11/2017 3:45:49 AM] Lynn —-: I just came

[10/11/2017 3:46:05 AM] Lynn —-: Listen to that file

[10/11/2017 3:46:38 AM] Micah : I will!

[10/11/2017 3:48:37 AM] Micah : ….wow!

[10/11/2017 3:48:51 AM] Lynn —-: Did you cum?

[10/11/2017 3:49:14 AM] Micah : No…but I am close. I’m going to listen again and cum with you

[10/11/2017 3:53:43 AM] Micah McGivens: Sorry– had to clean up. Wow! I didn’t think you were going to cum!

[10/11/2017 3:54:11 AM] Lynn —-: Haha, it’s okay. I didn’t know I was either! That video was so hot!

[10/11/2017 3:54:44 AM] Micah : It was!

[10/11/2017 3:56:17 AM] Micah : Well… on that note, we have actually hit the 4am Eastern limit.

[10/11/2017 3:56:31 AM] Lynn —-: Yes we did! It was really fun tonight Micah.

[10/11/2017 3:56:35 AM] Micah : It was. 🙂

[10/11/2017 3:56:39 AM] Lynn —-: I am glad we enjoyed it together.

[10/11/2017 3:57:22 AM] Micah : As am I. I look forward to talking to you again!

[10/11/2017 3:57:35 AM] Micah : Good night, Lynn. 🙂

[10/11/2017 3:58:50 AM] Lynn —-: Good night Micah. Will look forward to next time too!

Posted in Online Encounters, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A BreakThrough! Come Dance With Me!

Things have FINALLY started to look up. After a HORRID experience this weekend, I FINALLY Have Made it To a Point of Happiness. So join me, Dance with Me with a Collection of tunes on my Sansa SanDisk MP3 Player that I blast in my car when I am cruising around NYC! Enjoy!

Let’s start with a song that was written for me by a man who was TOTALLY no good for me. James you thought you were bad, check out this motherfucker!

 

Now let’s go New York!

Now its time to jam with me and my 2003 Navy Blue Corolla! Move that body ladies!

 

 

Bring it on One Republic! The rest of this playlist is just for my husband James!

 

Come drive with me James!

 

Baby I miss you so much, I just wanna cry!!!

 

Now we get in to the real deep stuff. This is why when we get together it will be just FIRE on TOP OF FIRE!!!

 

Now baby, let’s just drive and forget the rest!

 

 

And now let’s finish the set with James B. and Lynn F.’s wedding songs!!

I am a different woman today because of you James! Everything changed on Easter 2018!

 

And finally, attention must be paid to the man who destroyed my life, but I STILL love him in my heart. This one is for you Kirk Windisch. Don’t feel bad, you were a different man 14 years ago, I was a different woman, times change, but you were my favorite mistake. God Bless you my love, we had 5 beautiful years together, I will never forget you!

 

Oh and who could forget the artist herself???!! Just a personal one from Ethlyn Feroz herself featuring Nahko Bear – “Black as Night’ I love you my brother!

 

Cheers with some non-alcoholic drinks! (I better put those bartending skills to use and come with some Virgin Pina Coladas for my peeps!

Smile, Laugh, Dance, Play!

And Iain Bristow of Brighton, UK, remember what you told me? I always remember your infamous quote you shared with me, I love you!

~When I am happy I enjoy the music, but when I am sad I understand the lyrics~

 

 

Posted in Bipolar, God | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

I Might Not Wake Up Tomorrow

Tonight is very hard. I am staring at my Lithium, my Seroquel and my Klonopin and I feel like swallowing them all tonight. I was all ready to sleep after a shower at midnight, and then the tears just kept coming for James. This pain is SO BAD. I mean I feel my heart physically hurting in my chest as I bawl into my pillow so my parents don’t hear and get worried. I have no one to talk to. I can’t call Dave, he will be worried. I just called the hospital and sweet Beena talked to me a little while and told me to get some rest. She is so nice, at least she didn’t hang up and say she was allowed to talk to me.

I am not allowed to talk to James. Dr. Barris gave him strict instructions when I was there Friday. I tried really hard to keep hope alive, but my heart is so big it feels like it is going to bust any second.

I don’t want to live.

May God Kill Me Tonight.

Just take my life.

I just want to go to the kitchen and take a knife and slit my wrists.

But writing it all out is therapy.

I know I have to live.

I have to live for us.

I have to live for my family.

I have to live for my friends.

Why God have you forsaken me?

Am I that much of a sinner?

What could I have done to you for you to turn your back on me so?

In Shallah I will find peace.

Grandma take me to heaven with you, I want to leave this Earth behind.

Dizzy now as my meds are kicking in.

Rest now Lynn.

Wake up tomorrow to fight another battle.

Hold your hand on your heart and think of those who love you.

If you can’t take care of yourself, no one else will.

I am fighting every urge in my body to not get in my car and head to the bar.

That road leads to nowhere.

My road leads nowhere.

Am I at the end of my journey when I am so close.

I am falling, and all I want to do is fall in his arms.

If you are reading, say a prayer for me.

I must make it past this.

So much sorrow and anguish.

But like Scarlett O’Hara said, “Tomorrow is another day.”

Posted in Bipolar, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

To My Husband, Please Do Not Give Up on Me, On Us

0728182337_HDR

As I rest my head tonight, I will dream of you.

Please do not lose hope.

Have faith in me, have faith in us.

We were dead inside all our lives, we both wanted to die.

But fate brought us together.

YOU MUST BE STRONG.

I am fighting for you out here,

While you struggle to keep it together in there.

We have been drugged, beaten and broken,

But my love for you has never been stronger.

When I go there tomorrow, I will close my eyes and imagine your beautiful blue eyes,

And I will say a prayer just for us.

Hold on to me.

Hold on to my spirit, and hold on tight.

If you don’t feel strong, let me be strong for you.

If you want to die, let me die for you.

I will take the bullet for you.

Just show me the gun.

But be the man I know you are.

The man I fell in love with.

In God’s Love we will live happily ever after.

I promise my beloved.

I will love you like you have never been loved before.

I solemnly swear.

Till Death Do Us Part.

“I do.”

 

Posted in God, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I am Survivor, Let Me Fight For You.

 

What is it like to be broken? How does it feel to be completely alone? What does it feel like to be violated and raped by men? The world of men does not understand how to decipher these hardships. My name is Ethlyn Feroz, and I have suffered beyond comprehension. But I am a survivor.

This post is dedicated to all the brave women of the world who are powerhouses, who are dynamos, who are ruthless, who are cunning, who are mothers. And most of all I dedicate this post to my loving mother who was scared for her daughter’s life when the Nassau County Police Department showed up at my door this morning. Why were they there? Ask the executives at Nassau University Medical Center in which I was just released last Thursday from the traumatic experience I had for 4 months at their 14th Floor Psych Ward.

My best friend in the whole world Dave told me to stay off social media, so I am going to take his advice and just rest this weekend. But Monday morning its off to my doctor David Foster, and straight to the Nassau County District Attorney’s office. I will NOT BE SILENCED. You cannot break my spirit.

I will be your advocate.

I will fight for you.

I will win this war, even  if it kills me.

Please follow and support me!

Lynn Carefree – Facebook

@LynnLovesTrek (Lipstick and Lace) – Twitter.

Thank you. May the Gods Bless me with President Donald Trump’s support as I begin the fight for all people who suffer from Mental Illness everywhere.

It is God’s Mission.

It is my mission.

I will help you.

I promise.

I love you.

Stay tuned.

Posted in Bipolar, God | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment