So I had cyber sex with the Texan tonight. Did I not mention him before? During my purge and in starting over again, I kept a few Skype contacts. I have been trying to get over my chatroom addiction and I met the Texan right when I was weaning myself off of it. As a matter of fact I did mention the Texas boy here: An Electric and Serendipitous Encounter
Anyway, I thought he wasn’t going to show back up. But boy did he ever. I said I wasn’t going to involve myself with online relationships anymore, but here we go again. I just can’t get obsessed again like I usually do. He said something tonight after we had our session that disturbed me though. He just had sex last weekend with a “friend.” This just means trouble. I have to put my heart on extra alert now. He says I am special to him and he has feelings for me, but is he for real? How? When he just had sex last weekend?
I am not stupid, I know how these things go. He could have a girlfriend, he could be married. All of my fears are popping up again. At least with the other men I had in my life I knew I was the only one, but this is a whole new animal. How do I deal with that? Do I just play it cool and casual? I mean I haven’t had actual sex in a long time and I know that if I were to do it again the man would have to be extra special to me. Or does he? I mean I flirted with the idea of sleeping with a friend of mine because the need was just there. Could it be the same for him? I can’t help but think that sex is just sex to some people. Including me. I mean I didn’t go through with it, but if my friend wasn’t such a dickhead who would rather sext when my pussy was on a platter for him, then yeah I might have really done it. So who says it wasn’t just a need for the Texan too?
I don’t want to judge. I am not about to. Things may end up getting really good with this man. I never know. But I did have a good time though. Boy that was some good sex. even if it was just cyber. I hadn’t orgasmed like that in quite some time. It felt really good, and I hope it will become a regular thing. I need to loosen the reins around my neck a bit. I did manage to stay out of the chats, so if I just concentrate on the Texan, my other contact on Skype Valiant, and my penpal on Reddit, I think I will be okay. I mean I wanted to purge myself from everyone online, but who am I kidding? A girl has needs ya know. At least all this has kept me distracted from my bipolar madness. We shall see.