To Boldly Go…….Deep into Delusion


So here I am on a Rainy Friday afternoon, with all these thoughts in my head. Do you enjoy the rain? Just curling up with a good book while the weather just howls and storms outside, and the pitter patter of the droplets brings you peace? I often used to feel like that when I was able to relax and read a good book. I reveled in the rain. Now, I am taking my opportunity to write.

I deleted a post yesterday which I am embarrassed about. I basically wrote about my delusions and I realized I was in a heightened state of mania when I was writing. When I was manic, I had elaborate dreams and a vivid imagination. I have gotten caught in the world of the Enterprise crew from the show “Enterprise” that only lasted about four seasons, but it’s oh so good (you should check it out if you have Netflix). It was so nuts, I actually pictured myself as a time traveler that traveled back into the past with the Guardians of the Galaxy crew (minus Starlord as I was the captain), and joined the Enterprise crew in the future and started a romance with Captain Jonathan Archer, played by Scott Bakula. I don’t know what it is, but I always had a thing for older men, and the 47-year-old Bakula is beyond hot and fit in this series.


Yum right?

Anyway, I found myself deep in the delusion, staying up late, fantasizing, and just buried in the craziness, when I realized this is how I spent my childhood. I spent years dreaming up scenarios with TV and Movie stars, how we would meet, how I would spend my lives with them; in and out of the shows they were on. I have to say, despite it being a deep delusion, I was so grateful to have my imagination back. One of the things I greatly missed from my youth, (that is stopped by bullshit Bipolar medication), was my elaborate imagination and the way I go deep into my psyche and pull out these intertwined tales from different Movies and TV shows.  But I can’t be the only one who has a wild and crazy imagination right? What about the countless stories and Fan Fiction out there? There have to be other people obsessed with Movies and TV, I can’t be the only one who has had these thoughts, right?

Still, I am embarrassed by them. They sound like “the rantings of a lunatic mind” if I were to put it mildly.  I guess it is something that really hits close to home for me and having it displayed in the open, (even if it is an anonymous blog), just reminds me of how crazy I really am. I don’t know, maybe my readers will find it interesting, maybe I can disguise my crazy delusion into an elaborate story to post here one day, but until then the specifics will have to stay a mystery, (sorry, I know you were just at the edge of your seat!). Anyway, the rain has stopped, so it’s time to close up shop. Hope everyone is going to enjoy their weekend. I will be here, in my room, with no life, dreaming of fantastic adventures. That’s not so bad right?

Stay tuned.

About shatteredwishes

I am in my late-thirties just trying to figure out life in a big city. "When in life you are handed lemons, make a vodka martini." "When I am happy I enjoy the music, but when I am sad I understand the lyrics."
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