Ever had a real moment in your life when you kind of kick yourself, then realize it was the best thing for you? I have been wrestling in my mind as to why I got so broken up over a guy who was an obvious jerk. I want to say there were many good things, because there were. He was absolutely handsome, ridiculously smart, (like over the top smart where I couldn’t even balance myself), hilariously funny, sexual, sensual, romantic when he could be, and even sweet. But the guy was a total over the top asshole. And he knows it, and fully admits it to himself.
Which is fine. Let him be an asshole. But you know what? He is alone. And he will be forever be alone. No one would put up with his shit. No one in their right mind anyway, or any woman who has self-esteem and self-respect. Shame too. There is an amazing place by E. Fay Jones not too far from him that he never got to enjoy because he had no one to go with. AND HE WILL NEVER FIND SOMEONE TO GO WITH HIM.
I am a fucking amazing woman. Like over the top amazing and absolutely fabulous. I am a talented artist, fantastic writer, soulful musician and I am just plain kick ass, and I am absolutely full of myself. The difference between me and the asshole is, I never belittle anyone or make them feel beneath me. He says “you didn’t trust my judgement.” That’s a crock of shit. Beckoning someone like a dog and then them saying no they don’t want to be told what to do is called standing up for one’s self.
I can go on and on about what an asshole this guy is. But I am not going to do that. I have had fantastic sex, a new job opportunity, and met amazing people over the past few days. And it only gets better from here. I know that I am enjoyable to be around. And I know what I am worth. A man would be out of his fuckin’ mind not to want to spend time with me.
I think the problem is, I started believing the bullshit I was telling myself. Things were going horribly at work, all that stuff went down, and then he met me in a very vulnerable state. Sure, he picked up on it and used it to his advantage, some people are just good at doing that. I don’t even think he was conscious of it.
I am in awe of him. He has an incredible, amazing mind. Even though he is completely arrogant and full of himself, I enjoyed his banter and his company. I would never want to talk privately with him again though, or even make love to him again, (even though that was fantastic too). I think the point is, I can be a casual observer. I may seem him again in that crowded room where we met, and I will just be an onlooker, just someone on the sidelines if he chooses to have the spotlight. You know what happened? I was really aggressive and got my way the first night we met. Then I became his “pet” and everything changed. If a man wants a pet he should get a dog, fuck all that noise. But that was my fault. I was way too eager to please him.
Do women like assholes? We absolutely do. Do nice guys finish last? They absolutely do. I had a very nice man try to contact me several times when I was talking to the asshole, and I blew him off. Yeah women, we do that.
Look, he got a good time out of it, and so did I. It was amazing what we shared, and I will forever treasure it. Do I hate him? Absolutely not. Is he an awful, miserable excuse for a human being? Absolutely. But hey, at least he said “so long, thank you for your time” right? Sometimes us ladies don’t even get that.
I don’t even think he’s miserable. I don’t even think he cares. I will probably just pass through his mind like I never existed. I know one thing though. He admitted he checks my blog. So one thing I DO know is, someday he may see my words.
So “Quiet Man” what is my message? You’re an asshole. But you know that. But you’re also not as smart as you think you are because you threw away a good woman. A fucking amazing woman. With a juicy ass and a caramel body. Mmmmm. How good it tastes, remember? Haha. But I am sure our paths will cross again. For what it’s worth I had a really good time. I did cry tears over you though, my last post showed that. I went to that dark place with thoughts of you. But for whatever it’s worth, there will never be another woman like me in your life again. No one as beautiful, as smart, as funny, as cool, as sexy, and as willing to worship you.
So with that I am off on my next adventure. Full of sex, love, and rock n’ roll.