So I find myself in the middle of one of those amazing thunderstorms today. I wanted to take a moment to reflect on some interesting events lately. I called a psychic yesterday, you know, just to see what it was all about. She made some interesting points, but as the thoughts settled in my head I began to pick apart some of the things she said. The things about me being creative and writing that book, or that new love that will make his appearance next month. Is it all bullshit?
I will admit I have been scared of my spiritual side due to where my mania takes me with it, and in talking to this alleged “psychic” I was feeling deflated because she couldn’t pick up my spiritual connection with the universe. If I was really special and had a deep connection with the cosmos wouldn’t a psychic feel it? That made me wonder if all that craziness I believe is even true, and maybe I am just a drone like all the others in the world. I refuse to accept that though. My special connection to the universe was very much there, but not apparent to this “psychic,” which made me think she was even more of a fraud.
My mom is feeling much stronger today after the scare she gave us, and I have to say that lifted my spirits too. I am in a strange mood, as I find myself wanting to connect and reach out there into the universe and find some cosmic bond, but I end up falling flat. Will there be a new suitor making his presence known in November like the psychic said?
I can hear the rain fall outside. It’s almost transient, like a dream, a daze. Usually my manic self would be out there on my porch having a cigarette and pondering the mysteries of the universe right now, but I think I will save that for another time. I feel deeply sad that I lost my spiritual connection. I wish I still had that euphoric explosion of recognition that I was a part of something greater than I am.
Today though, as I reflect upon my life and where I am going, I am just going to listen to the rain and curl up with a book. No use in pushing the universe today, just going to let whatever is out there come to me.