Changing Times and What’s Ahead

changing times

So with all the screaming about Net Neutrality and “The Last Jedi” opening, I feel like there’s a lot happening at the closing of 2017. What was your year like? For me, it was definitely a lot of bipolar ups and downs, the closing of at a lot of doors and an overall peace restored by the end of the year.

I did a lot of reminiscing over the past month, and I realized that a lot of my time was spent online dating and looking for “The One.” How much time do you think we dedicate to looking for the right partner? And for those of us who have a partner, why do you sometimes feel you need to connect with another person from the opposite sex?  This yearning that we feel is quite a game changer for me, as I realize that most people will just never be happy. It’s like we are always yearning, looking for gratification, recognition, praise, or fame. I read an article about Facebook that made me think about this. After years of research, and pressure from the 2016 election, Facebook actually conceded that social media might not actually be good for you. They recognized that hit of dopamine we get from a “like” or how it affects us when we post something and no one acknowledges it. Even here, how many of you bloggers check to see how many likes you get? I know I do. I look for the “likes” on Twitter too. My most recent obsession is to see how many upvotes I get on Reddit affecting my Karma, which is a whole other blackhole of a place on the internet if you ever wanted to venture there. I even loved how the whole “social media” culture was featured in an episode of “The Orville” which surprisingly turned out to be a good show.

Anyway, the front-runner for many of these obsessions is love and sex. If you’re not interested in either, you are most likely at least masturbating, even if it is just as a chore. As human beings we desire companionship, whether it be in friends or lovers. Things are going well with the Captain, and I finally realize that I have been searching for a fantasy all these years. A “high” as it were. My mania has taught me a lot over the years, and the best feeling for most of it was all the flying and spiraling out of control. It was a rush better than sex, so when I recognize the need for the high through relationships with others, I know where it is coming from. I love the Captain. He taught me all about romance and how good it feels to be desired and wanted so much. But there is absolutely no future there. I will probably never actually marry him or even live with him. Unfortunately, he is just “filler” right now, and I feel bad about that. That “high” is just about gone, but after all the men I have been through, I think it’s best I just settle for what I have for now, and just enjoy it.

In other news, Moving Day is six months away, and I am in a good place with my family. With my relationships with my best friend and the Captain in tact, I have been focusing on taking care of my mother and helping my father with the new house whenever I can. But as I strengthened my bond with my family, I feel like I have lost my other family….. my internet family. I lost so many people I knew recently, mainly because I have focused my energy elsewhere. I miss my bipolar friend the most because we shared so much together over the past year and a half and now there is just silence. I removed all my messangers and apps so basically no one can contact me anymore unless they have my number, which is only like six people because I had changed it recently as well. My social circle is all gone, and to be honest, I don’t really care. I don’t know if it has anything to do with being bipolar or not, but the world in my head is so much more exciting than false friendships and fake smiles. I really don’t need to attach myself to a bunch of people who will all sit on their phones when we are all out doing something together.

I think my life is finally in a good place, and as I move forward, I would like to think I made an impact on the people I left behind. I hope they are all well, and think of me sometimes, as I think of them. I wonder about people like The Irish and the Southern Gentlemen, who I both had intense relationships with this year. I wonder about the Literary and if he is still writing and making panties drop. I wonder about the Astronomer who I had amazing sex with and is an absolute hunk. And of course, The Quiet Man, who was my last very intense lover right before the Captain. There were so many others too, like the Viking God (who could have easily passed for Thor), and The Virginian who scoured the obituaries for me when I had vanished from him for a bit, was the first one to ever send me flowers, and cried with me in each other’s arms. He hurt me the most this past year when I called him and he said “I am married now, nice knowing you.” After three years, I think I deserved more than that.

I miss them all; the lovers and the friends. But I think it’s time to move on.

But before I go, I just wanted to put in my two cents about Net Neutrality. I know there are a lot of people against it, and I know us bloggers live for our traffic on the internet, and our outlet to other people, but here is something to consider. As I understand it, all it is going to do is make it fair for the people who don’t use as much bandwith as some of the other people who totally abuse it. I don’t think I should have to pay the same money for internet (with my measly two TV, two device household), as the people who are streaming, downloading and gaming on multiple devices with a million things going on at the same time, using a hell of a lot of bandwith. If you want to use all that shit, you SHOULD have to pay more money than someone who doesn’t. From what I understand, the FCC just leveled the playing field, and allowed some other companies to offer internet too, so we have more options, in case big boys like AT&T, Comcast, and Fios decide to jerk people around. I mean if they start screwing with your internet and slow your service to sites, you will probably be able to tell them to “go to hell” and go with someone else. It actually is aiming to breakup the big monopolies on the companies that basically control the internet. I mean they did it with the Cable and Phone companies, so I think internet service was the next step to join the Free Market in the 21st century. That’s just my take on it. I mean it could be a total fuck up and the big companies can totally take advantage in the meantime. But, as every good economist knows, change never comes easy.

And boy, the times are really changing.

Can’t wait for my date to see “The Last Jedi” too. I heard it’s pretty awesome.

And if you’re struggling with your illness today, try to treat yourself, even if it something small. It works wonders.

Have a great weekend!

Stay tuned.

About shatteredwishes

I am in my late-thirties just trying to figure out life in a big city. "When in life you are handed lemons, make a vodka martini." "When I am happy I enjoy the music, but when I am sad I understand the lyrics."
This entry was posted in Bipolar, Online Encounters, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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