So, anyone else out there struggle their butts off with sleep? Trust me, I know the issue is that I can’t get off the damn computer. For many people, their sleep enemy is the phone. How many times do you look at your phone before bed? Do you sleep with your phone near you? Stop doing that! Put the phone away in a drawer somewhere, on silent, completely out of reach, so you can get a goodnight’s rest. I know a bunch of you are thinking, what if there is an emergency? Honey, if you’re not an Emergency Room doctor, you’re not that important. “What if my kids are in trouble?” You have a house phone don’t you? I would hope some parents still have one, other than their cell phone. BUT I have gone off on a tangent, so let’s get back to the subject at hand.
I have TERRIBLE insomnia. It’s like a monster that refuses to go away. I know the reasons for it though, I am a total internet addict and I love interacting with people online. For others I know, their video games are their LIFE, so getting to sleep can be challenging for them as well. Anyway, I have pushed myself to get up a bit earlier each day, taking my bipolar medication at least two full hours before I attempt to sleep. I have also added some Melatonin on TOP of that, which has turned out to be a horrible idea because I NEED it now to sleep. Let’s not forget those shots of Honey Jack Daniels I have been indulging in here and there, which I know doesn’t mix well with antipsychotics. But I am not going to beat myself up too much over it, because I already beat myself up about almost everything else.
Today, I managed to force myself awake. As I stumbled out of bed at 11:30am (which is still pretty late, but it beats the hell out of waking up at 5pm), I glued myself to the computer screen. I hadn’t even brushed my teeth yet because my bathroom was being held hostage by my Dad, (how the hell does he take an hour to shower, when my dainty feminine self takes 20 minutes or less?) But I realized, maybe I can use my internet addiction to my advantage. Instead of crawling back under the covers, (God they look so irresistible when you are dead tired), I got my brain going by looking at all the internet intake. There is so much digital word vomit out there, (Click Here! Click There!), this article, that article, and countless crap regurgitated all over Facebook. How many times can you watch that cat fall off a chair? But I noticed that by engaging my brain in this way, I was no longer tired. Also the orgasm I had helped, (showing my tits to some random guy on an adult site which ended up crashing so I had to settle for empty porn), #EpicFail. So the strategy seems to be to get the brain going! I truly believe that if I got my fat ass up and started exercising, or doing some kind of physical activity, it would have been a better jumpstart, but I am old and lazy, (don’t judge me, #oldpeopleproblems).
Dating? A whole other unholy mess. Things are good with The Captain, so what the hell do I think I am doing? Who knows. I think I need that extra flavor. Look, I truly believe that people like to have a “nest” in place while they troll all over the place looking for booty, (men AND women, don’t kid yourselves ladies you know you do it too). I am not looking for booty per-se, maybe just some flirty fun. I did spark a little with a cutie pie from Australia, named Milo. He was fun to flirt with in the chatroom, but when we went to Skype, my fascination with him fizzled. I had purposely got rid of all my messanger apps, in an attempt to alleviate myself from all ties and bonds to men, (on and off the internet). I like being a free agent. When an old flame contacted me on Facebook, (after 6 years!! WTF??), and was like “call me,” I was like “no thanks.” Another guy messaged me on a dating website I visit here and there too, and I haven’t written him back yet. I am not even sure if I will. And don’t judge, I hadn’t logged on there in a while, he just sent me a “smile” on there (equivalent to the wink), and I MAY have logged in and “smiled” back. Okay, judge me, maybe I shouldn’t have smiled back. Bitches like me who are not really looking, but kinda looking, INFURIATE men who are actually looking. I get it, so go ahead, throw a tomato at me.
What’s the point, you think? I think I like the rush of the initial tease and attraction, but not in a sleazy way. I had a guy hit me up with the username “IntelligentArticulateConfident” — total friggin’ eye roll and overuse of a selling point. He admitted to having a girlfriend and that he likes looking for side booty. Good for him, I will be over here looking the other way. I am total hypocrite because I have the Captain and I am essentially doing the same thing. However, I am not blatantly looking for booty, just something to spice up my psyche.
Yes, I do realize I am a whole plethora of crazy, and I fully admit it. Can I blame being bipolar for this? No, I don’t think I am going to be an asshole and do that, because there are people out there really struggling with their bipolar. I do, however, feel that my manic tendencies are flaring up, that’s why I can’t settle with one man in my life right now. (I actually don’t have just one man, I have my best friend too). Soooooo….with technically TWO men, I don’t seem to be satisfied. Crazy much? Yeah, totally. Oh well, “que cera cera” and long live the “Holy Fonz.”
Time to get my butt in gear and start on that roleplay I have been bitching to find someone to write with for ages. I have a nice wholesome collaborator now, (which I will probably corrupt, so my hypocrisy is now running rampant).
Hope I don’t “accidentally” click on a cat video, when I am supposed to be writing.