Let’s Get Real For a Second. I Know You’re Probably Sick of Hearing it, But What Do You Really Think of #MeToo?

jill

Trust me this is not some rant about “Girl Power!” (Cue Spice Girls?) but I am honestly deeply disturbed in my heart at what #MeToo has become. Jill Messick’s story hit me really hard, probably more than it should have, because I never heard her name before last night. And at first I was deeply saddened and heartbroken, but then I got angry; terribly angry at what this whole movement has become. Don’t get me started on what happened to Aziz Ansari. Well let me just address that before we go any further. This comment that I posted on a Reddit forum, pretty much sums up my feelings on that situation:

As an older woman now, I look back on my life at all the mistakes I have made. Did men take advantage of me? Yes. Do I blame them for it? Hell fuckin’ no. When the hell are people going to take responsibility for their actions? Women are sometimes scared to say no because they feel if they don’t “perform,” the guy won’t like them anymore, stop calling, or find another girl who will put out. That’s the reality. Is it the guy’s fault for our fucked self-esteem? No way.

Screaming sexual assault and rape for situations that were in your control diminishes the actual victims of such horrible crimes. I have never been such a victim, but I have had many, many sexual encounters that I regretted and maybe I was pressured into. The point is I will never blame any of the men of my past because I always had a choice. Mind you, I was a minor in some of these situations, and STILL it was always my choice. Women have a choice these days, more than they ever did. Its not the fucking 20s anymore.

I was so mad when this story hit because not only do I love Aziz, but this directly impacts how men feel about courting women, and how scared they will be now to even ask a lady for a drink. Aziz isn’t in the clear, he was pushy, but far from assaulting. Romance has been on a decline for years, and shit like this just kills it. You win “New Generation of Women” don’t let me see you fuckin complain that guys don’t approach women anymore, and have fun telling your grandkids that you swiped right on Grandpa on Tinder. Don’t be ashamed that you have to devote all your time to the internet to find a guy now, because that devishly handsome blue-eyed stud that you’ve been eyeing at Starbucks will NEVER ask you out because dumb loose women with “Fake News” stories made him too scared.

So yeah, there’s that. “Grace” and all her delusions of “meeting a celebrity, magically getting whisked off to Hollywood Heaven as his new girlfriend,  and getting bathed in diamonds” got her exactly to where she put herself. And no, I am not ashamed to say it.

But let’s not lose focus, the woman of the hour is Jill Messick. I don’t know about you, but I think Rose McGowan has totally lost it. At first, when the Weinstein story hit, I was right there applauding and cheering her on, actively following her on Twitter, and showering her with praise for all her bravery.

Until, I started paying attention.

Rose started getting ugly. Like really ugly, in a painfully bipolar way. Before you go hating on me for throwing around that stigma, I AM the stigma, because being bipolar myself, I know EXACTLY what that looks and feels like. It’s hate that comes from your underbelly, and you lash out at everyone and everything. I have done this many, many, times in my life when I was in a manic rage; from cursing out all my friends on Facebook, to trying to destroy a wedding, (because deep down I was really jealous), to hours and hours of angry, psychotic, phone calls, (Twitter wasn’t as popular when I had the really BIG meltdowns).

I have seen Rose McGowan turn into a judgmental, hate monger over the past few months, and started hearing really nasty, vile remarks during some of her interviews, and I have to be honest and say, it made me cringe. The worst part? Hating on other women. I know some have argued that this “New Type of Feminist” not only hates on men but hates on her fellow women as well, and where I would agree to an extent, I can also see her point of Hollywood’s hypocrisy, especially the hypocrisy of the women in the industry. Oprah #2020? As much as I love Oprah, I don’t think so folks, she’s been hugging up to Weinstein for years, so don’t even go there. But I am not gonna hate on her, because you know what? The money was there. It was there for all of them, and they took it.

Anyway, in my humble opinion, this #MeToo and #TimesUp movement, went way off course. It’s become a nasty “he said, she said” fight to the bitter end in most cases. I agree something desperately needed to be done about Hollywood, because men like Woody Allen and Roman Polanski were running around free, preying on women way back when, and got away with TONS of shit.

But, Jill, poor Jill. She paid the ultimate price. I couldn’t imagine what it must have been like for her. Being a young female manager trying to make your way into a predominately male industry, and having a young client of yours, (Rose McGowan), get assaulted (allegedly), and then screaming to your boss about the injustice, all to have your voice not heard? And then, Rose goes on and makes her career through Weinstein, and over the years, you think that it is all dead and buried because everyone is rich now.

Fast forward to 2018, and the Fall of Weinstein, and then the rise of #MeToo and #TimesUp, and your name gets dragged through the mud, (from both Rose and Weinstein), despite the fact that you tried to do the right thing by her years ago. Add on top of that a heavy history of manic depression, guilt and shame, and all levels of shitstorms that must be coming down on you from your peers. So you finally decide to end it all, and leave behind your husband and beautiful children.

I can’t explain the heartbreak I feel for what happened to this woman.

In a time where woman should be banding together and strengthening each other through sisterhood, why is there still so much hate?

Jill’s death was senseless, and what plunges the dagger deeper into my heart is that people are actually saying she was a coward, and basically martyred herself, only to strengthen Weinstein’s case.

If you have ever been suicidal or really depressed, you know, first hand, just like I do, what a slap in the face it is to hear how ignorant people still are about mental illness, no matter how much education on the subject there is out there.

I mourn for Jill today.

It’s another flame extinguished way too quickly.

About shatteredwishes

I am in my late-thirties just trying to figure out life in a big city. "When in life you are handed lemons, make a vodka martini." "When I am happy I enjoy the music, but when I am sad I understand the lyrics."
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5 Responses to Let’s Get Real For a Second. I Know You’re Probably Sick of Hearing it, But What Do You Really Think of #MeToo?

  1. Being a man, I have reluctance to discuss my thoughts and feelings on the #MeToo movement, because there is some inherent assumptions that a man doesn’t know what he’s talking about when it comes to women’s issues. With that being said, I’ll admit, that the preponderance of sexual wrongs towards women exceeds that done to men by women, but, I’m also nervous that accusations can be turned into fact without evidence. There are so many issues to be addressed in this matter. I support the idea of creating workplaces and general environments where women are given the same opportunity to thrive as man – without the undue pressures of sexual harassment or assault; but, I also believe that any movement has the chance of going too far and I’m concerned that #MeToo might do just that.

    I think you are brave in making your opinion known, because this is a sensitive and controversial matter, but it can not be addressed without the conversation being had.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much for weighing in! I always love hearing a man’s point of view on this subject because you’re right it’s a very sensitive and controversial matter in these times.

      I do agree with you though, 100% and I suppose any movement has the potential of going too far, but the fact that this had gotten so nasty and out of control that this poor woman literally took all the blame and put all that guilt on her shoulders, so it ended up with her not being here anymore, it really broke my heart, and I had to write about it and voice my opinion.

      So glad that someone is out there reading, and appreciating what I have to say. Thank you so much! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. As a man, the issues with Aziz Ansari brings up important questions about consent, and I’m glad about that. There’s way too much nonsense out there about consent (things like, “Her mouth may say no no no, but her clothes say yes yes yes.). And that doesn’t even get into “gray areas” where “no” wasn’t specifically said but “yes” wasn’t said either. #MeToo from my perspective is forcing people to either change or consider change, and frankly, change is uncomfortable to many of us. Even if that change is necessary.

    Also, in terms of men being scared to do certain things (like ask a woman for a drink), if that fear makes men as a whole better about consent, I’m all for the existence of that fear.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. kkatch22 says:

    Kudos to you for writing on a controversial subject! I’m so confused how to process it all. I’m a woman who had to battle the stereotypes in my career. I never compromised my integrity to get ahead. I had to sometimes work twice as hard and many times get overlooked, but in the end I succeeded. However, I also cannot say I’ve never smiled a little bigger, engaged in conversation of which I had no true interest in order to get faster service or an appointment I otherwise would have waited for weeks to get. I am getting annoyed at women playing victim in this #MeToo movement because it seems to make women seem weak. In some cases it may be a true case of assault or even rape, but I have to wonder if that’s the case for everyone jumping up saying “me too” or if they don’t want to be judged for doing something to get ahead that they are now ashamed of. Just my opinion. I have always been a GDI, so no #MeToo for me!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for reading and sharing your story!! I feel the same way you do about #MeToo trust me, and to be honest, throughout my career I did the same, even flirted to the extent beyond what some would even seem acceptable, and honestly, sometimes it got a little bit too out of control, but I am not about to say I was abused and jump on that bandwagon. There is a big distinction between taking responsibility of your actions and blatant assault. But thanks for weighing in! Much appreciated! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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