Okay, let’s be real here, how many times have you thought to yourself, “Man, my life sucks, I should have accomplished “XYZ” like my friend/family has done by now.” Ever scroll through Facebook and feel worse about yourself too? I know, we have all been there. So how do we stop the cycle of wanting what other people have? The answer is, there is no quick fix to that problem, and I can easily go on and on about how “you should appreciate what you have,” and “God has a plan for you too,” but I might as well kick you in the teeth, cause not only have you probably heard this crap time and time again, but you are probably feeling the same way about those words as the people in Florida are feeling about “sending our thoughts and prayers.” Yes I know, its total condescending bullshit; (insert epic eye-roll here).
I have noticed throughout my life, that I always felt not good enough. Not good enough for a man, for my job, for my parents, etc., the list goes on and on. Why do we do that? Well, in my day it was all the damn magazines with the “perfect woman” plastered on the front cover, where as today, it’s on social media, TV, and just well everywhere, where it wasn’t 20 years ago. And it’s not just about poor self-esteem either, it goes much deeper than that as well as much larger than that; I am talking on a global scale of “modern society.” I mean every little girl wanted to be Barbie, right? She had the mansion, the corvette, the townhouse, and Ken was basically her bitch, (sorry, but he totally was). But do you remember what Barbie looked like? Perfect blonde, with epic tits. Yeah, I got epic tits too, but I ain’t no blonde perfection bred straight from California.
Granted times have definitely changed since the days of worshipping Pamela Anderson and Cindy Crawford, but Kim Kardashian, Beyoncé and Jennifer Lopez aren’t better substitutes. They have an entire CREW to handle how they look every day, and the average goddess, (yes, you, and we all are), just has herself, a good blow dryer, and an array of make-up at her disposal. We can’t expect to LOOK like they do, so why the hell are we even trying? Or better yet, beating ourselves up because we can’t look like that?
I opted to stop all that ridiculous nonsense a few years ago. I even gave up trying to lose weight, (eventually I have to jump back on that horse for health purposes, but its sure as hell not going to be to please anyone or society). The fact of the matter is, I learned total self-acceptance, and I can’t even tell you how I did it, wait yes I can, I stopped giving a flying fuck.
I Just stopped giving a damn what people thought of what shape I was, how my hair looked, my nails, all of it. That doesn’t mean I let myself go, and became a total slob either. No, far from it. When I look in the mirror and get dressed before I go out, I am genuinely happy with what I see, made up to my standards of perfection, and when I am out and about in the big bad judgmental world, my head is held up so high I often get the “who the hell does she think she is” looks. But you know what? That doesn’t matter either, because they are strangers on the street, and they’re gone in a second anyway, so who the hell cares?
I think of the Virginian often, almost daily actually. I remember how I always used to think to myself, “when I meet him I will weigh X amount of pounds, my hair will be X long, my nails will be done X way, etc., etc., nonsense, nonsense, nonsense.” I could have easily driven down to Virginia in the 5 years I knew this man, instead of a weekly phone call, and pining away, just too afraid to meet because I was unhappy with the way I looked. I think to myself now about it, and say to myself, “Who the hell were you woman?”
The woman I am today, would have seized that opportunity and MADE something with this man, instead of letting him slip away and get married to some dumb local broad. It’s amazing, when I logged into Facebook around Valentine’s Day, I had the option to “Share A Memory” and I had a picture on there from 5 years ago of the flowers he had sent to me that year. You know, even though I have two wonderful men in my life now, that Virginian was the ONLY man to EVER send me flowers? And I let that hunk-a-burnin’ love go!
And since I am on the subject of Facebook, stop sitting there and looking at what other people have, PLEASE! I guarantee you all the shit you have THEY really want too, they just don’t show it or say it, because they are too busy trying to make you jealous of the shit they have. It’s just one big circle-jerk of a shitshow, basically trying to “one-up” the people we call friends. Is your purpose in life to make your friends, or all people in general, jealous of you? If so, I suggest you re-think your priorities, because you can’t post a selfie of you in your casket at the end. Well, technically you can, but your make-up is gonna be awful!
I guess what I am trying to say is, we really do a number on ourselves when we compare ourselves to all the glamorous people out there; our friends, distant relatives, co-workers, whatever. Our life always feels so small when you’re home all day, never going anywhere, have nothing going for you, tried and failed on that dating site for the umpteenth time, while everyone you know seems to be having the time of their lives. The truth of the matter is YOU can make your life glamorous and celebrate your blessings each day, and honestly, you don’t even have to post that good feeling to Facebook, Instagram, Twitter or anywhere. Why do we feel the constant need to throw our happiness in other people’s faces? Have we, as a society, become that vain?
Just be you, every day, marching to the beat of your own drum, in your own fabulous way. The only one that you need to “report to” about how good you are feeling is yourself. There is some logic behind self-affirmations that make sense, I just don’t buy into the whole mystical, hippie BS, but eh, maybe that’s just the New Yorker in me.
Doesn’t matter though, I am still thirty, flirty, and thriving!
P.S. – I am actually 37, but who’s counting when you look 30 anyway?
P.P.S. – If you haven’t seen 13 going on 30 with Jennifer Garner and Mark Ruffalo, it’s a must watch for you!
P.P.P.S. – Remember, as always, be extra kind to yourself, you’ve done enough of the self-lashing already.