I know you all have been there, thought it, experienced it, full on, up front and in your face. #Preach!! I came face to face with two MYOB situations recently, and it involved not my friends but their damn partners! Now, let me back up a bit and give you the rundown. I met with a friend of mine a few weeks ago, (Friend 1), and we had a lovely time. I hadn’t seen her in SO many years, and when we finally decided to get together, it was nothing but reminiscing, laughs, sharing stories, and amazement at how far we both have come. I met Friend 1 in a mental hospital, once upon a time ago, and over the years, we have been in and out of each other’s lives. She was going to Nassau Community College the same time as me at one point, and she even went completely manic and got married to a hot young boytoy in Jamaica. Total, “Stella Got Her Groove Back” moment for Friend 1!! But she got herself together, graduated Nassau, (something I wasn’t even able to achieve), and eventually found herself a good man, (or so she says), who supports her now, (the hot Jamaican boytoy flew out of the cougar’s den sadly).
Anyway, we parted ways after our lunch, and a week or two goes by and I get a call from an unknown number. I didn’t answer it and I ended up getting a voicemail, and then a text, from dun..dun..dun… her boyfriend who she lives with. My first reaction was “Aww, that’s sweet” because both the text message and the voicemail said “Hi I am Friend 1’s boyfriend, she told me great things about you, and I would like to meet you.” Granted I should have picked up on the fact that he didn’t say “let’s all of us get together,” instead of “I want to meet you.” Okay, maybe I am way too trusting and shrugged it off, but I honestly felt uncomfortable calling her boyfriend back.
More time goes by and I call up Friend 1, just to see how she was, (I had no intention of telling her about her boyfriend reaching out to me), and she doesn’t answer. Hmm. Okay. I leave a message. Six days pass, and I still don’t hear from her. My wild crazy brain goes though all the scenarios here, like the worst case scenario where her boyfriend totally flips out and forbids her to talk to me, because I never called him back. Okay, that is a bit dramatic, but totally plausible. Let’s sit with that for a second, because enter Friend 2.
Friend 2, happened to be the same exact deal, as in this is someone I knew in my mental health journey past, and I had connected with when I was just going through the motions of therapy and “the system.” We bonded once upon a time ago, much like Friend 1, and we even went to Nassau Community College at the same time too, again much like Friend 1. I can go into an entire manic rant about the universe and how this is some REALLY CRAZY kind of coincidence, but I won’t. Anyway, the deal with Friend 2 is she found me on Facebook, literally three days ago. I was beside myself cause I thought, WOW, I haven’t talked to her in YEARS either, and was so excited to rekindle our friendship. Much like Friend 1, we did the whole bonding and sharing stories, with her gushing all about how much she is in love, and how she met her husband of three years, all over Facebook messanger though, instead of in person. And then when I log in today, I see a Friend Request from her damn HUSBAND, with a message saying “Hi, I am Friend 2’s husband, nice to meet you.”
WHAT IN THE BLOODY &*^&*%&* IS GOING ON?????!!!!
I mean it really didn’t sink in totally, and fully, and processed itself in this crazy bipolar brain of mine, till I sat down and REALLY thought about what the hell might be happening here. I posted on a forum asking advice on the situation because I can’t be the only one who thinks this behavior from both my friend’s partners is odd, could I? I got a lot of good responses, basically validating my thought, and I got one really INTERESTING response, suggesting that these guys might be total douchebags trying to get sex, or just mess around with me behind my friends’ backs.
I really don’t want to think that, although when I talked to The Captain about it, he basically had the same thoughts. Either they wanted a piece of ass, or they are just nosy as hell and way too controlling. I haven’t ruled out the fact that all of this could be a COMPLETE fallacy, and these guys are totally innocent and just interested in their woman’s long-lost girlfriend from the past, because like Friend 1’s man said, “I have heard great things about you.” Granted, that is a real stretch of faith I am putting into their honest intentions, if honest intentions is what it even is.
Whatever the case may be, whatever motives these guys have, the main question that keeps playing over and over and over again in my head is, “When the hell did it become okay to completely BUTT in and INCLUDE yourself in a friendship that your woman has?”
Anyone with me on this here???
I mean, that was another thing The Captain told me. He said, that if we were ever to get married, (Like Friend 2), or live together, (Like Friend 1), he would never, ever, in a million years reach out to one of my girlfriends, just like that. I mean these guys LITERALLY took it upon themselves to just contact me, friend request me, and furthermore, how the hell did Friend 1’s boyfriend even GET my number to call me? And WHY didn’t he call me from Friend 1’s phone?? I want to say she gave him my number, but why didn’t she even warn me that he would call? And why the hell didn’t Friend 2 warn me that her husband was going to contact me either?????? Like WTF???
I was in a state of confusion over this, but it quickly turned to outright anger, then pity for my friends because I would NEVER date a man who is like this, although their intentions could in fact still be innocent and honorable. I mean come on, I don’t want to be one of these man-hating bitches not giving poor fellas the benefit of the doubt. NOT ALL MEN ARE EVIL YA KNOW, but fuck, they really make it hard for me believe that sometimes.
Whatever is going on, I think I am going to reach out to my therapist and see if I can get an appointment to see him. What is interesting about this situation is, that my therapist of 11 years, knows BOTH these women, and have had therapy sessions with them at some point in the past, because like I said, they BOTH went through the same mental health circles, and treatments that I did. It is unique that he knows them both, and I know he won’t disclose to me what they discussed, but he may be able to give me some insight on how in the hell I am going to handle this.
So, the drama continues. (You know the irony here is that my therapists, my doctors, and even my family said that I should get out there and be more social and reconnect).
Gee, thanks, somehow I feel like “this attempt to reconnect” has inherited me a big damn unholy mess.
P.S. I contacted a friend from California who said I should be totally honest, and straight out tell my girlfriends what their partner’s did. Great advice, however I feel like I am too much of a chicken shit to do that just yet. Okay, maybe not exactly a chicken shit, but somehow it feels wrong to go tattle-tailing, especially since I JUST reconnected with both of them recently.
P.P.S I am a fuckin’ warrior because I fought for hours with a specialist to get my mom an appointment for next week, instead of what they had available two months from now. My mom literally has taken so ill again, that she was wandering around the house saying she was going to die for what felt like forever. Goddamn it mom.
P.P.P.S I am such an ultimate warrior, because I stood for hours on the phone today, fighting tooth and nail with every damn bureaucrat that I was saddled with to take care of $2000 in goddamn fines and fees, that EZ Pass charged my sister. The poor girl works so hard, that it totally slipped her mind that the card she uses to pay her tolls had declined, and frickin’ New York State decided to slap her with 20 damn violations. I mean 20, can you believe it? Why the hell don’t they warn you that your EZ Pass doesn’t work? Anyway, they give me such a hard time that I was calling on behalf of my sister, it was unreal. Did I mention that she works 60+ hours a week and she has no time for their rip-off bullcrap? Anyway, I fought them with every tactic and threat I could bullshit my way though, and got the $2000 waived to just the ACTUAL amount of $80 for the tolls unpaid.
Who’s a bad bitch?