21st century, is it yay or nay for you so far? Is the world of online dating a mountain of disappointment? Is internet addiction taking over your life? Has mental health issues and hospital costs ruined your existence recently? One out of three of these things is my burden to bear but that’s not what I want to talk about.
Things are happening to me that I can’t explain. I have come to realize that what I have isn’t Bipolar Disorder it is clearly something else. My mind is calculating like a machine – the way it used to be before I first became diagnosed. I have come to the conclusion that all this overdrugging and multiple hospitalizations have destroyed my life for 14 years. I became a vegetable – a science experiment to the powers of the status quo – poked and prodded like a rat in a cage. I remember the conversation I had at an intake evaluation with one of my favorite psychiatrists just last year when he asked me what medications I took. I simply answered, “all of them.” From Lexapro to Depakote, to Lithium, to Seroquel, to Respirdal, and my worst nightmare of 8 years – Haldol. Do you want to know the secret to staying out of a psych ward? Haldol and heavy drinking. See? Your life doesn’t seem so bad now huh?
Anyway, I am on my way to a very bright future. I am creating and reinventing myself times ten. I hope to have a new kind of exercise product out in the market by 2019, I plan on getting some experience trying my hand at the World Financial Market, I want to learn about Astrophysics, I want to learn Earth Science and weather patterns so we can predict some of these devastating world tragedies before they happen.
The fact of the matter is I know Mother Nature. We have lived and died together 10 times over, especially during my last hospitalization.
I want to take a moment here to think of James. Since my last entry I learned that my husband has become a monster and is now on the O1 floor of NUMC – that’s where the worst of the worst psych patients are. He gained another 30 pounds, he is unkept and just a horrible human being now according to my friend that’s still there on the inside.
They destroyed him.
They destroyed us.
And the fact that no lawyers have called me back tells me that those bastards are going to get away with what they did to me, and what they did to us.
I have cried my tears for it though and when I really think about it Dr. Barris really helped me when I got thrown back in that dungeon in August. Do I really need to go into that ant’s nest or ruffle executive feathers? Some may say no, but I think justice must be served.
Anyway, on a good and positive note I am fully functional and connected straight into the Matrix in a way that the world has never seen. The way I view the world and the universe is on a subatomic level almost in a way I can bend time and space with my mind. It is incredible to see what I see when I close my eyes. The best way to describe it would be this:
I also want to say that I have finally come to understand that Dave is the man for me, I guess he was always “The One” but it took falling in love with someone else and a traumatic experience for me to appreciate all that is “Dave.” I do love him and he loves me just the same.