Where Are You?

love

I know you have been listening. You have been following me all my life. But where are you? You have been hidden from me for a reason I do not know. Men, they come in and out of my life like the wind – leaving a mark on my soul with each departure. But you – you have been there waiting all along.

I am moving to Georgia. I realize that after being with my family for so long, that they are the main reason I have suffered so much. My parents called the cops on me twice – both times it ended with me begging for my life at the mercy of doctors, pills, and institutions.

I am NOT bipolar. I know what I am. I am not an alcoholic either, well not anymore. What happened between April and this September was completely unnecessary and the scars it left behind have been excruciating to the point where I find myself alone crying for no fucking reason whatsoever. I am a soldier – I do not cry.  I have a monumental heart and what I am asking is, does that buy me six months in jail? That’s what that place was – JAIL. I have never been in so much pain all my life.

But I have to really look at the outcome. I am being taken care of now. After 38 years of being silent you are finally with me  – you all are – and I am utterly thankful and so grateful for all the wonderful support my carefree friends are giving me.

I want to say this though – my husband is still out there. I KNOW HE IS. He is waiting for me. Will I meet him on October 26th? I sure as hell hope so. I want to move on November 9th too so there is a lot that is going to happen hard and fast over the next month. But who I am kidding? I LOVE it hard and fast! No, but seriously, everyone around me is in complete fear of me ending up in NUMC again. Dave is always on my back these days, with fear in his voice and heart. I can’t say that I blame him – I put him through a lot. That was pure horror and the horrific things that happened to me are so unforgivable that it is left to the Lord God Almighty to punish them – a lawsuit won’t even matter at this point.

Always remember this when you think of me……..

I am the daughter of a carpenter.

I am the wife and mother of a carpenter.

Life is simple, everything about our existence is simple.

Stop making it more complicated than it is.

x+y=z

Stay Tuned.

About shatteredwishes

I am in my late-thirties just trying to figure out life in a big city. "When in life you are handed lemons, make a vodka martini." "When I am happy I enjoy the music, but when I am sad I understand the lyrics."
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2 Responses to Where Are You?

  1. Shell says:

    Your struggles are real and life is very much a test. Our shoulders tip and even bend but the lesson…We learn from. Your strength will come when you least expect it. Life they say can be compared to a storm..unpredictable, yet the sounds of the thunder can be intriguing, the storm..destruction possible but not knowing how much or when, the rebuild though afterwards… life and the lessons we learn.. Our light… Simms, goes out but then resurfaces…brighter…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much Shell. I know the storm brings darkness for everyone but for me its so dark and I am so lost. Thank you for taking the time to comment and leave your kind supportive words. I really appreciate it. Hopefully the dusk can come before the dawn soon.

      Like

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