Weakened and Broken – How the Psychiatric Industry Can Cripple You With Pills

133182-132863

I have been suffering with Bipolar Disorder for a long time and a lot of it wasn’t by choice. What has your experience been? For me, I was just handed pills to fix my depression and after that my life was completely destroyed. I really don’t want to be on any drugs – my heart, body and soul are screaming at me every day. I have no energy, I sleep too late, and I am such a broken version of the amazing woman I used to be.

A lot of people don’t understand depression – they think you are “just lazy” and just need to “snap out of it.”   But there are words that go through your head when you are depressed – like right now for me a little voice keeps saying, “go take all your pills and swallow them, just go to sleep then you won’t be a burden to anyone ever again.”

My best friend’s Dad just passed away last week, and you would think that would stop the suicidal thoughts because I have been given a gift that is life and I should make the most out of it.

It hasn’t stopped the thoughts.

I still cry almost every day after the horrible ordeal I went through in a Psych Ward this year. I was a soldier in there – fighting them when they threw me in isolation for just waiting at the door for my parents at Visiting Time – I took all the drugs they gave me and bawled Tears of Hell and Mercy to sleep at night for months. I never recovered from that, and when I told them that the pills they were giving me were way too strong because I slept all day and night, they didn’t care at all as long as I wasn’t troublesome or making a scene anymore.

I am a broken woman. I can’t get myself out of bed at a decent hour. I don’t want to do anything anymore. I signed up for all these classes, lessons and projects but my heart just isn’t in them. I think the thing psychiatrists don’t realize is you can’t just drug and drug someone – that person is a human with real thoughts and feelings and all the over-drugging will just damage them – like they damaged me. I understand that I was manic, well overly manic, but does that buy me 8 different pills at ridiculous milligrams for the rest of my life? Do I have to stay a lump of dead flesh with no feelings or hope for the rest of my life too?

If that’s the case just kill me now and be done with it.

I am so unbelievably depressed and I just can’t get out of it. These pills are forced on me and I have absolutely no hope.

I want to die so badly, so so badly but death won’t come.

Stay tuned.

About shatteredwishes

I am in my late-thirties just trying to figure out life in a big city. "When in life you are handed lemons, make a vodka martini." "When I am happy I enjoy the music, but when I am sad I understand the lyrics."
This entry was posted in Bipolar, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Weakened and Broken – How the Psychiatric Industry Can Cripple You With Pills

  1. Hope says:

    Sounds like you have had a really tough time. Here’s hoping you will find a way to get better

    Liked by 1 person

  2. mikegaeta says:

    Please keep hoping and being strong.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.